(:

2009-09-13T04:37:00.000+08:00

MOVED TO HTTP://ifmindshad-toes.livejournal.com :D

BB !

2009-09-12T02:40:00.000+08:00

Moved to tumblr!

P/s : I got bored of here haha.
Pp/s : I might be back if tumblr isn't friendly haha :P

Bye pikapika!

2009-09-08T22:42:00.002+08:00

Oops, haven't been blogging, lazy! :D

Hahahaha haven't been mugging as before but never mind la I think I deserve the break anyway hehe :)
I don't know what to blog about....... Happy birthday Kaki (fucker) :D

Thai express was quite nice! I think it really tastes damn nice to mix junyao's rice and my rice haha! Junlin and wendy lollllll!
Junlin got a barney cake hahahahah :D

Nice week la I guess! Swissotel with Misato rocked! :D And aiya everything okay la hahahaha :)
Happy :)

Man promos is coming! :o
Bah bah black sheep have you any woollllllllllll :)

I'll be there for you!

2009-09-02T23:12:00.002+08:00

I miss......... you know what I miss ; )

I like being secretive ^^

I like to start the sentence with "I".

Hahaha I am self-obsessed, shit! :O

But I really miss....... oh man! :$

Baa baa black sheep have you any woolssssssssssssss!

HOLIDAY FASTER COME (albeit I have econs every alternate days) I WANNA BE A FULL TIME MUGGER :D

Uh huh uh huh ; )

I LIKE SPACES : D

I did nothing today except missing! WASTE OF TIME :(

B Y E B Y E : D : D

2009-09-02T19:12:00.003+08:00

!!!!!!!

I wasted my entire end-damn-early-wednesday.
Kao I need drive thru!! :( :( :(

Hope you receive everything.
I love you.
Will always do.
It was really nice to dream of you yesterday night.
I felt really comfortable.
:)

I am my only distraction, kao :(
Hate meishan!

2009-08-30T23:47:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was a thumbs up day :)

I went to Misato's place before the others did and we waxed our legs!!! LMAO :D :D :D Now we both have pretty and hairless legs woohoo ^^ ^^ ^^ This is cheaper than going to beauty parlour to wax man, yessah :D

After which we started to watch Wedding Daze which was a damn funny show Junyao was like "I am so bored" and eventually we were all laughing and enjoying the movie lmao :D
The rest came and we just stoned I think doing separate things, like some playing Wii and the rest of us played mahjong / laptop. :D Mahjong session with Rongzi/lin, Misato/Krys and Yao! Quite fun I miss mahjong but too bad the boys had to leave for soccer match and the mahjong session ended :( We nua-ed around and then I was totally getting ready to sleep before Misato suggested played asshole dai dee and eventually we were playing damn funny games it really made us laughed till everyone were rolling lmao :) The vulgarities and the *#@^*&#@^stan, the pig game they were so funny! Really feel like laughing all over again when I think of it :D I love TSB la :) It was very very simple day but fun :)

Oh yes we started watching all the fucked up videos so hilarious!!! Jizz in my pantsssssssssss hahahhahaha :D

I went up to Misato's bed and I was so awed by her bed. It is so nicely decorated :) I like it very much I will decorate my children's beds like that next time (If i have) :)

I saw this somewhere : What would you do if you weren't afraid? It meant a lot to me. I thought about what I would do if I weren't afraid, what would you, what would you do if you weren't afraid? Many things I suppose. Human beings have too much fear : /

Life is beautiful nonetheless :)

Mummy's birthday today, happy birthday!
I meet the family only once a week, I am quite ashamed of myself for only seeing dad thrice this week.
But it is for a good cause so I guess I can be forgiven! Promos will be over soon I will spend more time with 'rents :) Haven't eaten dinner with the two of them for a long long long time :( Sorry rents :(

Anyway we went to Owen to eat! We took the VIP room with Karaoke inside, quite godlike :) The food was alright I guess. But it was nice to be with the family, something we did not realise in the past :)
Oh well, Mum's birthday is the first birthday we celebrated ever since you left. She cried bitterly because of your absence. Nothing will be the same at all at home. At the dinner, everyone was in pairs. My pair usually was you, but now I am alone :( I miss you I miss you a lot. Hope you are happy somewhere else :) I love you.

Going back to Anderson tomorrow! I can feel my heart smiling :) I miss Mr Wong :)

2009-08-29T13:02:00.002+08:00

Hahaha I guess this month is one of the months that I blog a lot :O
Keeps me motivated though, to keep track of all the things that I am doing :)

Thanks Charmaine for telling me those things at the staircase! I really appreciate it lots it means a lot to me :)

Ytd was last friday of the month, and we met for dinner!
Turn out yesterday was good I would say :)
Xiaoling, Jenny, Cheryl, Gladys, Jasmine, Doreen, Cherie, Randy, Cheryl, Zhi Wei, Nigel, Deyuan, Guang, Junhe, Yuerong, Junlin, Chia Chiu, Zong han, myself!

Hahaha 19 people :) Although we waited for one hour plus plus for the Saints to come, it was a pleasant dinner I would say haha :) I love everyone I think I am most nonsense when I was with them, and the nonsense is the nonsense that not all can take hahaha probably even TSB can't :P It was nice to see everyone and despite everyone being so tired, we met up :)

Gosh I have 6 huge mozzie bites while waiting for the Saints! It was crazy bites :O
Anyway TSB outing today, I should say in-ting (since it is indoor at misato's place) hahaha attendance is good too!
Oh yes, Guang bitch get well soon! :D

I am sorry Hanna I didn't go for council meeting this morning I really couldn't wake up it was holy 7 am :( I love you nonetheless!

P/S : I love Anderson much :)
Monday monday monday!

2009-08-27T23:07:00.002+08:00

MEISHAN CAN YOU PROVE YOUR WORTH.
CAN YOU SEE THE IMPORTANCE.
CAN YOU NOT GIVE UP.
CAN YOU PRESS ON.
CAN YOU STOP IT.

/all i need to, is to reverse it. YOU CAN. yes, i can? there is no reason why i cant.
I need to tell myself its alright.
You are the best person to make yourself feel good again, do you get it?
No one else can do it except for yourself.
Pull through.
Grit your teeth.
It will be over soon.

2009-08-27T22:46:00.002+08:00

I feel damn nua.
I feel whiny.

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

I did not do much today I suck :(
Byebye.

2009-08-27T00:04:00.002+08:00

Physics SPA today was alright :)
Drive thru after that was pretty good :)
I did 3 chemistry TYS, I AM LEFT WITH 3 HOLY TOPICS FOR CHEMISTRY AND I WILL FINISH MY TYS
Physics quite slow though, cause I don't really understand....

Every day when I achieve more things, I have this growing fear of not doing well.
Plus I am starting to feel a little strained.
Three weeks down; Five weeks to go.
I must press on!
Something is lacking I can't quite explain..

That dream is bugging me pretty much it seems to want to tell me something. I cannot stand it!!
Oh well hope it means nothing bad ;)
It felt like a nice dream though I recall waking up feeling happy so it should be fine :)

Siangsiang told me Econs today and I really appreciate it much :)
MATH HOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
FIVE WEEKS FIVE WEEKS.

Today drive thru was andersonish again :)
Kimberly leonard and co,
Cherie and Zhi,
Siangcob,
Ernie,
Misato,
Best,
Kunyan and Eunike,
Lanqi,
RONGRONG :D :D

P/S I was really touched he came for 30min only he knew that we were leaving at 10pm it was really very sweet of him I am sure he doesn't realize how much it meant to me when I saw him walking here at 9.25pm after his match :D :D I love rongziiii he is too nice for words his girlf next time will be damnnnnnnnn fortunate!! :D

Okie goodnightey :)

2009-08-25T23:21:00.002+08:00

Today.

Drive through today was very packed with Andersonians.
Kun Yan was there, Randy and Cheryl were there again, Vicky and Vas came again, Misato came, Deva came, Ernest was there too, Siangcob came too hahahaha :)

Too many people lol! But I still love drive thru.
Progress was a lil' slow today, but I still achieved what I wanted to today, so I am contented albeit I felt very stupid in the process.
Spa tomorrow, I should get some sleep. Yawn.

More to achieve tomorrow, go Shan :)

2009-08-24T23:04:00.003+08:00

P/S: On a side note, I think that there are other people motivating me ;)

Nuuer who always says nice stuff about me being able to make it.
Miss Ng who really built a lot of confidence in me.
Hanna who is really motivating ( her msg that time really touched me ; ) )
SIANGYEE hehehehehehee need I say more?
Cherie who is a very very nice study companion though at night we start to chat instead : D
Rongzi who keeps me company he is the best ; )
Woohooooo I love studying I love studying!
And of course sissy who believed in me all these years ; )

Ah and yes, Miss Teo :) :) :)
I think I gained a lot this time round.
Ah I haven't felt this lucky in ages.

I feel scared though.
What if it happens again.......
I must do well! : )
I like good stress they make me very happy at the end of the day when I look at what I've accomplished.
I am really going to finish my TYS by next week it feels damn shiok!!!!!!!!
People who love you will definitely not hesitate for a second to place their trust in you, because in their eyes you are always their pride, and I have my pride who I am proud of too :) Jiayou you can do it :)
Time is still on our side ! ! ! !
Don't give up ;D

2009-08-24T21:31:00.003+08:00

I have been mugging at drive thru since I arrived at like close to 6!
Now the time is 9.30 and guess what!
I finished understand WEP thoroughly, did the entire tutorial and the entire TYS topic!
I am godlike I am too happy for words :D
Hope that everyday is so productive yay!
Now I shall go home :D
Drive thru rocks hahahaha :D
I saw Vas and Vicky here! Woohoo ^^
(and Randy and his Sunshine :D)
I love myself and my baby!!
It feels so good ! Woohoo but my baby is too heavy to be brought out every day hahahah!
I kept asking classmates to carry :P
Everyone loves my baby though! More photos to be uploaded muahahaha :D
BYE!!!!!!!

2009-08-23T22:51:00.002+08:00

Haha nice day today!
I woke up at 12 plus I feel so great hahahaha :D
Did nothing but chatting with my bitch before I finally dragged myself to tuition!
Tuition was as usual, nothing special.
Went to Aunt's place for dinner! I like it hahaha :)
I am a loanshark haha, thanks brother! :P
I didn't touch my work today, gosh :(
Tutes due tomorrow undone!

Blablablablabla I did not touch my PW at all sorry folks :(
I like today hohoho :)

2009-08-23T00:47:00.002+08:00

Hello earth :)

Today I wasted my entire night I am so ashamed of myself !
All because of the stupid fireworks : (
I got punked! Wendy checked for me twice and it was stated that today and tomorrow got fireworks, kao :(
I came home and checked it turned out this year don't even have :O :O :O
Sian I rushed there after tuition to see that it was so empty and quiet. But anyway it was a blessing in disguise :)
I spent some "me" time enjoying the breeze and the beautiful night view at merlion park :)
Then two, no, FOUR intruders came!!!

"where are you?"
"don't tell you!!"
"tell me!!!"
"I am under the sea, i am going to jump into the sea, i am at flyer...."
"I am going to push you!!!"

And there behind came a girl who tried to push me to the river!!
It was a pleasant surprise walao where got people go surprise their friend on their anniversary?!?!
Anyway happy anniv sista and bil (this is the third time I am saying it) hahaha!
And hi feifei and pudgy! :D I slapped pudgy and they both wanted to kill me lmao!
We had a nice chat by the river and we ate icecream before it was like 11 and we finally gave up waiting :)
Thank you weirdos I love you too it was nice to see you too!
They were so funny haha :)

Nice day :)

2009-08-21T22:26:00.003+08:00

Studying is becoming a major part of my life.
I spend around 8 hours in school and about 4 hours at drive thru.
I spend 3 hours of my day traveling.
I spend 2 hours of my day using the laptop.
I spend 6 hours sleeping.
I spend 1 hour .... getting ready haha :)

Basically I find 8 hours in school most wasteful. Out of 8 probably I only spend 2 hours productively ( considering today) which is a huge waste of my life.

I am so happy with myself recently I really feel so contented!
Takes my mind off all the other rubbish : D
Only 6 weeks more, I really need to prove my worth.
I am most worried about math now how! I don't have enough practice and I don't know where to get practice.
And I don't feel comfortable with FSB luckily I have my tutor WG hahaha :)
I know econs will eventually fall into place I just require the skills now and really learn the concepts for Demand supply, elasticity, government intervention, market failure. The graphs are damn important.

I really feel like I have the directions for my life now.
And I feel so motivated.
It is the first time in my life that I am so motivated; and the first time I am motivated by MYSELF.
I am a proud girl ( not arrogant I mean satisfied with myself )

I try to involve my friends in mugging with me because I feel even more motivated to work with friends plus I want them to do well (I like my close friends doing better than me) that's why I am going to drag Yuerong into this everyday I am not allowing him to retain (much as he want to, yeahyeahyeah) :D I really feel happier when I am studying with my friends and I secretly like it when my close friends do better than me :)

I really want to do well!!!!!
Tomorrow is dedicated to mugging again.
I will be in school by 10.30 and got tuition by WG till 4.30.
Tuition to 7.30,
Drive thru till 12.

I really want to achieve!
Aim and Achieve.
I can do it ;)
(Don't call me a no life mugger please, I really need this now.)
(Call me your positive peer influence!!)
I can't wait to do well, although it is uncertain, I have faith.
I eat faith 3 times daily : )
I love myself, go go, focus and achieve. :)

2009-08-20T22:06:00.003+08:00

Today, is more than just the first day of the seventh month.
I came home to see mum's eyes swollen from crying.
I know she misses him, I do too.

But I don't want to cry each time I think of him, that's not what he wants, I am very sure. :/
I only want to live strongly and without regrets.
We can't keep staying in the past.
Life. Goes. On.

I studied again today :) I like drive thru a lot.
I think I will go there to study till 9pm everyday with the exception of Tuesdays and Sundays. :)
Haha TSB/ Plus Clique if you all need anyone to study with you, you know where to go ; )
Studied with Siangcob today, I did 3hours of physics. Damn slow but I made a progress ; )

Shall go study econs after bathing! ;D
I like winks ; )
I think guys who wink are very cute!
But not many guys know how to wink cute-ly, hahaha :D

Ok bb everyone ; )
Tomorrow is friday again! I can't wait for saturday!
WG is tutoring me the entire day yessah I can spam him with all the questions for all subjects ; )

Yay I am happy with myself :)

2009-08-19T23:37:00.003+08:00

"Take out a paper," he said. We groaned, thinking it was another math test. Instead he made us promise that we would get A1s and that photo was a proof.

I don't have the papers photo, but I know all of you know which I am talking about.
Fourfour is (L), and it will always be in my heart! : )
Home is where the heart lies :) :) :)

2009-08-19T22:24:00.002+08:00

Renewed confidence, I would say.
Can't believe I could talk econs to Siang yee over the phone. I never thought I'd be able to explain something to someone again. When siang asked if I was explaining to her based on nothing, I said yes and we were both shocked haha :)
I feel smarter each day because I am working hard everyday :)
I think that is the joy of studying which I never knew. :)
I like it that I don't complain that I do not have time to study for my papers.
Fact is I have been studying and guess what, 90% of the class hasn't started studying for promos and I have already been studying for 2 weeks :D
I didn't realise that I am proud of myself :) I really am!
Mei Shan I love you hahaha!

Mr Chew (new VP) is a very very nice person.
Considering it was the first time we met and he already placed so much trust in me, I really like him.
I felt so comfortable explaining to him why I felt I did badly, and I felt so good when he kept shaking his head to my results and said matter-of-factly "its okay I am sure you'll do so well at the end of this two years"
Coming from a person like him, it made me feel a lot more confident about myself.
I am not stupid after all.
I never was.

And Miss Ng is too kind, she couldn't stop praising me in front of sissy and Mr Chew.
I didn't know she was so proud of me all along.
She sounded like she was boasting about a smart daughter that she had.
I never felt like this from mummy. I felt so loved.
There is this unspeakable feeling that I have for Miss Ng, she is really really very nice.
I am glad that she is my CT.
I think my lucky stars are still shining very brightly.
Because I have the support of many.
My biggest enemy - nobody but myself ; )
I have been a strong girl.
Not many others of the age 17 could take what I have been through.
And with this strong will, I am going to shine. ; )
Yes Mei Shan you will :)

Mr Chew said your favourite line when I was about to leave the conference room.
He said, "sleep well tonight and tomorrow will be a better day."
I smiled at the very line :)
You know what, you'll really be my bff forever no matter what life brings. It was just meant to be. When I feel the most lost, my first instinct will still be typing you a text. And your replies, which forever would be "ahya you are just thinking too much" do make me feel better even if I wish to deny and argue that you won't understand. Truth is you were always trying to make my problems seem small so that I will be less bothered by it. Thank you for all that you've taught me ; )

2009-08-18T00:40:00.002+08:00

Life's been interesting for the past three days!

After TSB celebrate Guang's birthday on Friday,
I stayed over at Misato's place on Saturday,
went out with Sissy and Tammy and Anne and Amy on Sunday,
celebrated Qi and Guang's birthday today!

So it's been three people's birthday, and they are all quite important to me I would say, I wouldn't be who I am without them!!:D

Firstly,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LYNETTE GOHHHHHHH! :D
I think this year is the year that we have really interacted with each other, apart from two years ago when we went to the same tuition :) You played a major part in picking me up during my lowest point in life, and I am really grateful that you were around to share things with me or just to lend me a listening ear when I felt that I couldn't count on people whom I cared most about then. You are really so careless ah, like a lil' sissy to me, that's why you are my cousin :D Thanks for all the stupid shit you've said to make me smile, make me laugh, you are really a fun person to be around! :D Jiayou for everything hope everything goes your way :D

Secondly, Ms Angeline Ng (ahem) LAN QI!!!! :D
I can't wish you anymore birthday wishes already, it is overwhelmingly too much!!!! TOO MUCH haha get it! Well your day is over and guess what, welcome to seventeenies world ^^ Likewise you are also closer to me this year when we have split school, but never for once have I felt you too far away. :) I really enjoy the talks that we have, which usually end with a sweet hug, it always make me feel like I have a renewed power to move on in life, and face everything bravely. Hopefully you'd feel the same too, or at least feel better that you finally found someone to pour your heart to. No matter what your decision is and whatever other people tell you, I'll be here to listen to your heart and support you all the way :) Stay strong you have always been a girl who is very very strong, I am sure that everything will just turn out fine eventually, trust me k! :)

Lastly, GUANG FUCK MY BITCHY BITCH :D
So this is the 5th birthday that I am watching you spend, how cool is that :D Being someone who is part of my clique, someone who had been my classmates for 4 long years, someone who never failed to bring a smile to my face, someone who has endless cock to talk about, I really cherish you a lot :) Your anti-climax-ness, bullshitting skill are really epic and no one can beat haha! What rubbish that I asked you down to your void deck and stripped in front of you, you cock boy hahaha! Last time you said wanted to be a chef then next time you would cook us nice meals, sometimes I secretly wish that it was going to come true so that I can enjoy the good food hahaha :D Aiya too many cock to express, just know that I love you ok! I know you love appearing on my blog post so nahhhh, this is solely dedicated to you :D :D Happy birthday! :D
P/S: I miss the orgasm wind and studying in 4/4 till late then you teaching me how to climb out of the school gate :) Thanks for letting me go through experiences that I am sure no other presidents would ever do likewise :P

Stayover at Misato's place on Saturday was really nice, like what Misato said it was like a continuation (is there such a word) of the "family" gathering from last friday :) Although I went twice in roughly a week, I went with totally different people and I had fun nonetheless. Sorry my voice was very cocked up that night because I was like semi going to lose my voice that we couldn't quite sing that night hahaha :) Love singing say it again and umbrella with you playing the guitar!! Teach me guitar someday maybe we could both learn to play and sing at the same time :) Thank god we didn't play Wii again else my poor arms and back would have to suffer again, hahaha ! :) Ernest's baking is still as godlike as ever, I really wish that he is still my classmate and bakes very often, hahahaa :) Can't stand the part that Junyao and Misato were acting like mother and son it was epic hilarious to watch them it is really really very funny :D

Tammy girl watching Up was so cute as well, I must say that Up is a really nice movie I didn't cry during the movie but afterwards everything made me feel like I was going to switch on my "tap" and start pouring hahaha. Tammy girl enjoyed the show after all I guess, so did lil' Amy, they are really so cute holding hands and walking together! :D Swensens chicken baked rice after so long, I only have one word to use - godlike :D YAY :) On the cab home I was wondering how new year would be like w/o you, and we've agreed that we would try our best to make it a really happy one, so as to fill up the emptiness somewhere due to your absence..

After celebrating all the birthdays, I can't help but to wonder how my 18th birthday will be like next year. It would be a day before your death anniversary, it would probably be anyone's worst 18th birthday after all, I just hope that no one would remember my birthday and let it pass silently, because it will hurt a lot if I have to celebrate the day, for that day is no longer special in my eyes, just a day that I would especially more vulnerable and helpless...

Deciding on this path seemingly is the easiest decision that I have made so far, I really hope that everything will go smoothly and all my effort will just pay off. One day I'll be grinning from ear to ear again, because I am truly very happy. That day will come, i am pretty sure :)

CHIM JIAXIN JOSLYN IS MINE OK!

2009-08-15T12:32:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was quite a nice day.
Friday was finally here, TGIF TGIF.
This past week has been mad, so many deadlines to meet! Thankfully everything is over now :D
I bought yet another Victorian's tee, wth I have so many of them and I don't wear them..... I really should start wearing the tees, like today :D
Met TSB after school, quite a number of people turned up (thumbs up) like Guangfu, Junlin, Yuerong, Junyao, Zonghan, Ernest, Hueiting, Krys, MIsato and me! :D We had astons for dinner and I was really starving lol, then the guys were engrossed in hacking people's facebook and write rubbish plus gaming :D After dinner we went to AMK hub to talk more rubbish and Misato was possessed hahaha. It was funny how the girls all ganged up to beat Zonghan it is really funny everyone has the same sort of reaction when Zonghan flicks at us hahahaha :)
Went home with Zonghan and Junlin, hahaha I always love going home with junlin :D

Gay day :)
I really love TSB I feel most comfortable and nice around them :)
Happy birthday gay faggot in 3 days :)

I didn't go for the Zoo CIP today because I felt really unwell when I woke up just now, sorry joshua and denise :/
I think I should go out and study soon. Today is "learn how to use the GC day" hahaha :)
Byebye I am studying with semi tsb later :)

2009-08-14T12:24:00.002+08:00

Before I blog about anything,
IT IS CF DAY!!!!!!! :D :D
My cat friend and I have been cat friends for 1 year ^^
Happy anniversary my darling! :D

I (L) CF HEHEHEHE :D
Yes darling I miss those times in school too!
We will chase each other around the canteen like some kiddo and spray water at each other,
last time you were so shy everytime you see me you like will blush one!!! :D
Tommy and Jiaxin lost to me in the fighting eventually, CF IS MINE MINE MINE! :D Hahaha!
Thanks for being there all the times that I needed you, to laugh to smile to cry, you've been there all,
you are really precious to me!!! :D
And btw, my prom clothes are still at your house hahahahahaha! It's august alr :P
We really had a lot of fun times together, like taking neoprints, going to the botanical gardens to picnic, eating supper, camwhoring, crapping, studying together, chatting, watching movie, having fun with each other, I am really really glad that you are in my life :D
You are like my lover just that you are a girl and we won't ever have an ending! That's what that makes you so special :D
One year has passed, and we will keep counting, you'll be my cat friend forever :D :D :D
LOVE YA!!!!

I ♥ CF!!!!!!!

2009-08-13T21:48:00.003+08:00

And I don't like it when people make me feel like I am obligated to help them.
I hate it when they use the "it's okay if you don't help but I'll feel disappointed" tactic to talk to me.
If he/she is my close friend or perhaps ask me in a different tone I might have tried my best to help.
But the thing is the tone is so weird plus I really can't do anything to help!
So what the hell do you want me to do?
I am damn tired ! :/
Mugging makes me a quieter person and more anti-social, I think.
Don't bug me !!!!!!
Go away we aren't even that close :O

2009-08-13T21:31:00.003+08:00

I really can't wait for Sunday to come, because I just asked Sis if we can bring Tammy to watch UP! :D
Oh man it'd be the first time I am going to watch a movie with girl plus I haven't watched one with sis for like... 10years? Or more I think :O

Today I studied hard again, duh!
I am really proud of myself for the past week of studying and studying everyday.
And it is quite amazing how I don't really feel sleepy during lectures hehe :)
I really love writing a lot of things for myself to do and at the end of the day seeing them all ticked (yessah)
I shall take a photo of it one day and show you guys!!! :D
Anderson handbook rocks hahaha :)

Today was tutoring by Wei Guang quite productive! Thank you tutor hahaha :) There was a cockroach that sneaked into Igloo that made a lot of girls scream in the Igloo inclusive of myself hahaha! :P Gregory just went into the room and caught it, cool :D
Ok I have a lot to do I have econs critique, physics presentation, study for Chem spa, conics tutorial and work energy power tute to do! BB I am cool :)

Sometimes seeing certain things pain my heart a lil' and makes me wanna approach, but at the second thought I realised I am not the one who should be showing the concern so... I can just watch. :/

2009-08-12T21:45:00.002+08:00

I studied hard again today, and I am going to begin studying again after this.
I can't help but to feel so small, I haven't felt like this in a long long time, I do not like this feeling.
I know that this time round I am working even harder because I refuse to give up, but I feel like I do not have the support of the people around, instead they are probably doubting me behind my back.
What do they know at all, how well do they know me at all?
Does anyone really know what I have been going through?
I really yearn for the person who may not exactly understand what I am feeling, but would still be there quietly and tell me tomorrow will be a better day.
But that was the past.
That person doesn't exist anymore.
But we can't just settle for any other, can we?

I am still putting up with the rain, can my sunshine pls pls pls come out soon enough?
Did reality catch up with me, or has self-esteem hit rock bottom?

I am afraid to feel confident like the way I would in the past.
I am in a different place now, everyone is better than I am, they really are.
I am nowhere comparable to those around me.

Why have I became the comparing sort? :/
Much said, I WILL NOT GIVE UP TRYING.
I still believe that that day will come.
What's yours will be yours.

:)

2009-08-11T22:19:00.000+08:00

HI HI HI HI HI I AM A MUGGER
I DID CHEMISTRY AND TWO ZUO WENS AND I DID........ I DONT KNOW BUT I AM A MUGGER I FEEL SMARTER BIT BY BIT EACH DAY! WOOHOO FIFTEEN MINUTES LEFT ONLINE :) I AM PROUD OF MYSELF THANK YOU :)

I JUST CAME HOME FROM MUGGING, BTW :)
WOOHOOOWOOOHOOOOOOOO :) :) :) :)

2009-08-10T21:12:00.002+08:00

I, Lim Mei Shan, Pledge that as of tomorrow, Tuesday, 11 Aug 2009, will not spend more than 30min at the macbook unless doing PW or school related things. I will study hard and keep mugging for the next 9 weeks (inclusive of Promo period) till I relax again.

Meishan this is what you are supposed to do right now, ie get off the macbook! :)

2009-08-10T02:13:00.002+08:00

P/s: It was nice of Sissy to wait up for me (maybe not on purpose) But I realised no one ever waits up for me when I am home late, not that I want to, but it is a nice feeling to know that someone is waiting for you to come home :) I miss those times I lived together with my siblings. Sigh but I was too young to cherish being with them under one roof. I remember us playing playstation together in the previous house. But now sissy's moved out, brother's not around, I feel like the only child at home. I want to have a sibling that I can share my day with too, I am envious of those who have siblings to talk to everynight (although they may not realise that it is a bliss)... Oh well!

2009-08-10T01:37:00.004+08:00

Today is a really nice day :)

Family -> Girls' night out -> TSB mini outing -> Girls' night out again :)

While I am uploading the photos/videos to facebook, I shall blog! :D
Yesterday I reached home at close to one am from drive thru studying with cherie, then I slept at around 2am!
This morning I woke up at godly 8+!!! To fetch Tammy girl with aunt, uncle, lil lil girl, sissy and parents :)
Not too bad I guess the only time that I reallyyyyyy get to spend time with them so it was worth waking up so early, on a sunday :O We went to AMK to eat breakfast and came home then I slepttttt!

Mum cooked considerably a feast (I love stingrays) and she cooked the curry thingy which sissy and I were not a fan of :P Cousins loved it though hahaha :)

Went to meet the girls(!!!) after that it was so nice to see them hehehehehe :) We went to HK, eh no, Taiwan cafe to eat xiao chi ! Bloody rip off but oh well I really love the company!! Krystalle is so cute :D Hueiting is so WHAT hahahahahhahaha :D

I love doing the sabo people trick it is really funny to watch people's expression! Cheryl and Junyao's reactions was similar, Siang, like TTY's reaction that day, was epic :D Quite fun!! :D For four pathetic xiao chi we paid 34dollars sigh money fly away :( :( :( We went on to find a spot for fireworks watching (and btw suddenly the guys were coming ie junyao vicky junlin) woohoo Finally met Vas after so long and after so long I know Vas' name!!! OMG :) Vasanthi :) Yao came too because his classmates ps-ed him so mean :O nonetheless we watched the fireworks together and it was a disappointment! Quite funny yao was saying "i have seen better ones" then he realised I have too, lmao. The ending was rather abrupt then it was time to go, lol.

Attempted, yes attempted to meet junlin and wendy but failed because it was so crowded and they were going off already, and we saw Guangfu incidentally! Cool shit, it became mini TSB outing when we least expected it hahaha :) It was nice to see them really :)

Vas and Vicky left shortly then we went to Drive thru to nuaaaaa :) Really nice!!!!! We sat there till last train heheheh I love the girls really really :) We just talked about nothing in particular, and oh, we pooled all our coins to play a mini prank, quite funny! Watch the video on facebook :D

Ok I am quite tired I am going to bed already!
Gonna mug (like a dog) tomorrow cya!! :)

This is my personal favourite for the night :)

The gays! :D

The girls hehehe :)

KRYSTALLE STICK TO ME :)

2009-08-09T01:34:00.002+08:00

TODAY I AM REALLY HAPPY :)

BECAUSE OF OMG THE INVITATION I FEEL LIKE I AM GOING TO MEET MY IN-LAWS (YES I AM THAT NERVOUS)
BECAUSE OF ............
BECAUSE I STUDIED FOR 7 AND HALF HOURS.
BECAUSE I FELT SMART AT CHEMISTRY TUITION.
BECAUSE I FIGURED SOMETHING THAT I SHOULD HAVE LONG AGO FOR ECONS -.-
BECAUSE I HAD A NICE CHAT WITH CHERIE!
BECAUSE I SPENT QUALITY TIME WITH MYSELF.
BECAUSE I MET TIPPERS AND WE CAMWHORED.
BECAUSE I WASN'T LATE AT THE AIRPORT.
BECAUSE I THINK THAT IT WAS A GOOD ENDING FOR TIP :)
BECAUSE I SAW SOMEONE :)
BECAUSE I FOUND OUT SOMETHING.
BECAUSE I AM SO HAPPY HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I AM GOING TO MEET MY GIRLS TOMORROW YIPPEEEEE HAPPY NATIONAL DAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!!!! :D

I CAN'T WAIT :)

2009-08-08T11:30:00.002+08:00

Just have the sudden urge to blog these pictures they are so cute! :D

Okey doke I am off to study beebee!!! :D
PS MY MUSCLES ACHE SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH FROM WII ARGH!
PPS : I miss T :(

2009-08-07T23:11:00.002+08:00

Hello :)

Today is 07/08/09.
Supposed to have TSB outing, but was epic fail, oh well.
I've saved my thoughts in drafts so yeah now the happy stuff! :D

So... we had Manhattan Fish Market for lunch! We being Siangcob, Zhirie/Cherwei, Cher, Misato and I :)
It is so crowded everywhere we go today! :O It was difficult to even find a place to eat :O
After lunch we went to Misato's house to NUAAAAAAA :D
Misato bought black nail polish which we all applied ahahaha (Yes even Jacob :P)
So funny Misato was sent to the HOD for her Japan class because she had black nails!!! LMAO.
Camwhored A LIL on my macbook, on misato's DSLR and on Cher's camera! :D
We just kept nua-ing and I showed them my EC hehehehehehehehe he is so cute :D
Anyway we attempted to watch movie when Misato went for her Jap class, but we failed lol.
Then we nua somemore and waited for her to be back so we could have DINNER!!! :D
Yuerong came btw and Jacob + Zhi wei left hahaha so we ate together when Misato came back hehehe so family-like! :D
It was really like what Misato/Cheryl said , "a family reunion" hehehe :)
We ate curry which was very nice, Misato's maid cooked it :D
Then we had so much fun over dinner laughing at Siangyee, as usual ;)
After dinner we camwhored at the balcony, Misato and I danced so gay-ly that I wanted to die from laughing, hahahahahah :D Photos photos cheryl + Misato!!! :D

OH. I forgot to write about how stupid Siangyee looked playing Wii tennis hahahahahahaha it was so funny she naively thought that she was the champs :P I beat her eventually!!!!! :D
Then after camwhoring CHERIE AND I DIED. OMG WE PLAYED WII IT WAS SO MEGA MEGA INTENSE EXERCISE I PERSPIRED MORE THAN I DID FOR MY 2.4KM RUN AND I HAVE MEGA MUSCLES ACHE NOW!!!!!!!! WE PLAYED BOXING AND BLEACH IT WAS SO FUNNY HAHAHAHHAHAAHA I AM DAMN LOUSY AT BOXING BUT SO GOOD AT BLEAH HEHEHEHEHEE :D

It was late and no one was staying over, so we left ;)
Reasonable day I guess, I loved the company :)
But still, could have been more fun. :/

Ciao!

2009-08-06T15:58:00.001+08:00

This is a blank post :)

2009-08-06T15:29:00.003+08:00

Crap I didn't go to school again today and tomorrow sending taiwan buddies off = I only go to school 1 out 5 days this week! :O
Haven't been so sick in a long time, the last time was the sec2 fever period? :O I am coughing my lungs off and my chest hurts whenever I cough. It's so gay I've lost my voice! Yesterday I called Hanna and we both agreed that I was more sick than her though she has 5 days MC, hahahaha. So later I have to go meet the TIPPERS to go for farewell dinner = (twitches eyebrows)

Yesterday Best and I went to shop a lil' more after Wendy and Junlin left to pat tor we were holding hands and swinging happily in the middle of Orchard Road, I think people probably thought we were lesbiansssss especially when I was carrying her bag as well Hehehe but who cares! We've been doing uber gay stuff together like seeing the doctor, studying, shopping, getting our hair cut, popularing, hehehehe :) Been meeting her every other day I am meeting her tomorrow and Sunday as well! :) Best is so fickle hahaha I am the only thing around her that she doesn't change, ahem :P

Can't wait for tomorrow I want to go back to Anderson, guess TSB will go and disturb Mr. Wong tomorrow gosh how much we miss him!! :D :D :D Plus I think we'd have lots of gay moments at Misato/Guang's place again I love TSB (when they reply my smses) hahaha :) We STILL never had a full TSB outing this is pretty sad we have never taken quan jia fu before! :( Hahahahaha hope TSB lasts ;)

SUNDAY IS GOING TO BE SO GAY (I LIKE TO USE THE WORD GAY TODAY) IT'S GONNA BE GIRLS' NIGHT OUT HEHEHE WE ARE GOING TO WATCH FIREWORKS TOGETHER PLUS WE HAVE DECIDED TO WEAR PRETTY PRETTY SO I CAN WEAR MY NEW DRESS YAY :) FINALLY I HAVE A CHANCE TO WEAR MY NEW SHOPPING :) Omg I really miss Anderson times, it was so nice then!! Argh yesterday I passed by AMK at close to 8pm, then I saw the park and I was reminded of those times me, Guang and co would take the longer route to the MRT station and I remember how Guang loved to describe the night breeze as "orgasm wind" hahahaha :) Come to think of it, I have known that silly boy for 5 years already! Cool shit :D

Yesterday Lin, Ah cher and I were talking about 3/4 chalet, the chalet that will be the funn-est chalet we've ever been to, it was epic fun! :D Like going out to da bao food then we all sat in front of the television to watch the 9pm show, then I kept scolding guangfu for no reason because the male lead was being a bastard it was damn fun! Then I remember the guys taking off their top if I am not wrong, Jy was the only reluctant one plus ERNEST BODY IS SO WHITE HAHAHAHAHA! Eddie came along and we played the noisiest mahjong ever singing and shouting away as if we were fighting, I laughed till my sides ached hahaha :) “你这样怎么去competition!" ahahahahha :)

It would be nice if we could relive any of these moments! Although most things have already changed and it is quite difficult to act like we did in the past again, but nonetheless they'd be kept in a special box called the "past" :) I will never forget all the fun we had, gaying away like 8 of us in one bedroom while ah lin and yao fell asleep in the next room, sharing all the jokes we had and finally laughing at siangyee's joke, not because the joke was funny but because she was! :D

I also miss those tuition times omg this is probably what I miss MOST being a secondary 4 mugger. :) Mr Kwok never fails to crack us up and we loved the 5min break whereby we would sit together and watch MTV and everytime they'd play Madonna and JT's 4minutes, then Misato will be exclaiming how disgusting she is, then we would all agree that JT would probably feel very honored to be able to cooperate with her, etc etc. Then we'd at Mr Kwok pronouncing "Jacob" as "Jaykob" and how he was very very shocked when Siangyee first said the word "bastard" and all the jokes that Siangyee cracked unintentionally. I really love tuition and I guess this is why I am still so so so close with the three of you till now :)

Oh have I blogged about going to Marie Digby's concert yet? It was much better than what I thought it would be, though many people kept shooting us weird stares like why are these underaged doing here but hey there were like 10 years old kids as well! :( Anyway she is really really hotttttttttt being half Irish and half Jap, she is really so sincere in singing omg! :) Love her rock songs though I would have never never expected a girl like her to do rock, but she totally suits it more than her first album! :) She is really my idol (ps I don't usually have idols and she is almost the first) and I'd buy all her albums and go to all her concerts in Sg! :D Can't wait for her to return again yay :)

Uh uh, what else should I blog about before going to bathe and get ready? Oh yesterday after saying bye to Best, I was walking to take the NSL, then I saw this raffles guy, then he said hi to me and he was shocked to say hi to me and I was shocked that he said hi to me, but hahahhaa I figured that he is one of the TIPPERS and we met last wednesday because he looked vaguely familiar hahhaa maybe EC's friend ^^

Ok I am going to take photo with EC tonight ................ (ok la actually I think I wouldn't dare) but he is so cute the way he said "xiexie" to me!!!!!! I like his smile a lot hahahaha :) After tonight we wouldn't meet till November, damn :(

Taiwan buddies going off tomorrow, I think I will miss some of them! :) Most of them like me so much I don't know why maybe because I am very ah-ma (right, Leslie) and I know how to help them translate hahahaha :) I am very kind one lor and I am very hyper hehehehe :) Ok I should get going to prepare already! You won't be seeing me online much after tomorrow because I am surrendering my BABY to Siangyee till Promos so that I will not get distracted.. Ok I am off byebye!!!! :D

懂得放弃才是真正的爱你⋯⋯

2009-08-05T20:55:00.002+08:00

Hiatus !

Hiatus !

Hiatus !

All you people reading should go on hiatus as well because your O level, Promos and A level are coming!! (PSLE even, LOL)
Byebyebyebyebye.

I have nothing to blog here anyway, lousy place.
Coolio tomorrow, friday and Sunday will be fun filled! :D
Can't wait to go HOME!!!
Today I went out with Dydy and Lin and Best hehehehe :)
Another lovely day with Best! :D

Ok byebye I need to study! :D

2009-08-04T23:05:00.000+08:00

I am still wondering.
Really hard.
Now I can't blog freely.
Whatever.
Bye.

2009-08-04T21:24:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, GIRL-WHO-LOVES-TO-POKE-ME!!!!!
HEHEHHEE HOPE YOU HAD A HAPPY HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY AND THAT THE NEW YEAR WILL GO SMOOTHLY FOR YOU AND BE HAPPY HAPPY ALWAYS! :D LOVE IT WHENEVER YOU ______ OMG I DON'T KNOW WHAT TERM TO USE SUDDENLY, YOU HOLD ME BY MY ARM? AIYA OMGGGGGGGGGG THEN WE WALK ARM IN ARM SO LOVELY HEHEHE :D LOVE YA LOTS LOTS HOPE TO MEET UP WITH YOU SOON HEHEHEHE MUST LOVE ME FOREVER HUH! :D :D :D LALALALALA HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

2009-08-04T13:52:00.003+08:00

I miss these people..
Wonder when we can ALL meet again and play captain's ball hahaha :)
Maybe I should organise 4/4 Chalet this december! :)
Or ask Samuel to organise ^^
I miss those times! :D
Fourfour is (L) :) :) :) :) :)

2009-08-04T00:09:00.001+08:00

Hello I am a sick cat, meow.

I'm going to run a fever already! I see leonard coming after me omg..... *runs away!

Bye everyone enjoy yourselves at feeling fab aww :(
Damn!
But yeah bb :)

2009-08-02T20:57:00.003+08:00

I have never felt this disappointed.
Are you dumb, mean or plain insensitive?

Other people can't hurt me this much you know.
But it came from a person whom I called my BFF.
Do you see the irony?
Have you gotten the definition of Best friends?
The last that I remember, Best friends don't do things to hurt one another.
And that day, I found out, you were never my best friend.
It was one-sided.
You merely took my nice-ness to you for granted.
I am ashamed of you, for hurting me like that and being such a blockhead;
I am ashamed of myself, for allowing you to hurt me times and times again.
Have you ever had a best friend?
Did you treat him/her this way too?

At this point in time, Nadia's line is ringing in my head.
"What kind of man are you, if you are a man at all?"
I'm sorry but I won't wish you happiness.
And I know you wouldn't be pained to realise what exactly you have lost.
I feel the heart ache, only because it came from my supposed BFF and because it made me realise how silly I have been.
I always thought I could count on you all my life, be it bf or bff.
And I found out I was awfully wrong.
Yes, no one can ever treat you the way I did, and this is something that you've lost forever.

Lesson learnt: The only thing that lasts forever in this world, is losing.
I really hate you right now. You suck big time. I really hate you for making it bad.
I wish I never knew you.

Whatever happened to the smile we wore, Bestie?

2009-07-27T23:28:00.002+08:00

Hello :)

Taiwan buddy is at my place, I am TIRED LIKE A DOG (sissy called me a doggy) Haha!
Mega shopping yesterday, mini shopping today haha!
Daiso is so cool Grace is spreading all her artsy cells to Evon and me gosh!!! :O

All the taiwan people are quite cute and easy to get along especially Jacob's buddy, right Jacob (clears throat)
I think Jacob's buddy like me though, he is just mean to Jacob who is mean to him! Hahahha!
We played bowling and all of us were ultimate losers but nonetheless we had a lot of fun!
I couldn't wake up today because I was really THAT tired gosh!

School tomorrow can't go for PE, sigh :( Anyway hope the remaining days would be fun!! :D Yay :)
But I am gradually losing my freedom.
And I AM REALLY WORRIED ABOUT MY STUDIES HOW :(
Not allowed to go for Chemistry Remedial tomorrow :(

Shall turn in soon nightey!! :D
Today I read something that made a lot of sense to me and I feel like I've been in the wrong conception for a long time, but now I have gotten it right. I feel so free!! :D

Ahahahahah goodnight world :)

2009-07-24T22:20:00.007+08:00

This is a photo post :)

Junrong looks too ah pek for words :)

I had my butt spanked :(

I camouflaged into the background :P

I like this photo somehow!!! :)

Hui Ting epic expression :)

ULTIMATE CLASS CAMWHOREEEEEEEEEEEEE :)

RACIAL HARMONY DAY PLUS TERRORIST :)

YAY I LOVE MY FONDUE! :)

2009-07-23T22:59:00.002+08:00

Btw, here are some photos to express some of my happy times! :)

Errrrrrrrrrrr Facebook failed me so I can't access the photos, so hahaha I'll post again another day :)

2009-07-23T22:43:00.003+08:00

Hello earthlings :)

I feel so awesomely relieved..... Because I have spoken to two teachers that I really wanted to, and now I feel like I've put down most of the weight in my heart. :) Feel so happy that now I owe NO ONE, yes no one, any explanations for my life because after all it is really my life :) Haven't felt more alive than today in days, albeit it doesn't show in the weight of my eyelids, I feel happy :) Felt like I haven't been myself for really long, now this feeling is really godlike! :) Typing my testimonial out to show juniors make me really elated and reminded of how prized I was in the past. Although it is already part of history as to the amount that I have contributed to Anderson, I still feel very proud of myself every now and then when I think about it. Maybe the testimonial may not exactly reflect the way I act in front of my peers, but I am really a different person when it came to responsibility. :) I think I have hidden them somewhere for too long that I have quite forgotten my natural charisma and self-confidence's presence, it is high time that I bring them out again. To be the real Meishan that I have always been, and not this Meishan that I find so pretentious (not bitchy ahem) and too trying.

This is indeed a trying circumstance and there are many judgers around, I really have to give my best. To really unleash the potential in myself and more importantly, prove to myself that I can survive in JC. It may be really hard and exhaustion is beginning to catch up with me, I hope to keep trying and trying, till I succeed. I have 63 days to prove to myself my worth, and to me this is even more important than anything for now.

Hey bff I am surprised at how soothing bff sounds to me right now and I think you are really suited more to be my bff! :) After all, all these while you've been like a brother trying to be really annoying all the time, whining, relying on me, it is really quite funny ahaha :) Remember to have faith in yourself (although you portray an unlimited source of egoism!) you can achieve anything as long as you want to. For your case it is really a matter of whether you want to or not and as your bff I really place all my trust in you ! :) Jiayou I hope that you'd still be the first one to see my A level results :) bff ok! :) Best friend forever :)

I really miss Anderson, maybe I should go back to visit soon I miss the classroom and the teachers much! (Mr Wong and Mdm Tey in particular hahaa) And I miss reading announcements haha :)

Btw Melissa is annoying :P
Liverpool coming tomorrow! Hohoho :)

Keep going, don't stop meishan. Be yourself :)
If you compare yourself with others, you may become bitter or vain, for always, there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself ; 一个人的快乐，不是因为他拥有得多，而是因为他计较得少。

2009-07-22T21:52:00.002+08:00

Hello world. :)

Just feel like letting out a longggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg sigh.
Today I felt very happy because I ended school at 3 and I came home. And I slept till 8.30pm, such bliss :)

Btw, I have a really vain sister :X She just extracted 8 teeth, holy 8 can you imagine :O And now she has 8 days of MC, hahaha one day for one tooth :P

Oh man I am feeling very sleepy right now.... But I have chinese homework and econs essay to write.. Damn! :( I suddenly miss 4/4 I don't know why :O Anyway my taiwan buddy is in sg already.. woohoo she is coming over on saturday! :) Can't wait for tomorrow to be over it kind of spells the end of the hectic week and friday is half day, monday is full day! How shiok is that ^^ I must think of places to bring my buddy hehehe :) I bet I'll be a damn good host, ahem :)

Today was camwhore day, NURUL HANNA you'd better upload all the photos soon you are nowhere to be seen online! :( We took a lot of multi shots and then we camwhored at lectures, ahem :X Today I fell asleep at chemistry lecture for 5 min and within that 5 min I had a dream, I couldn't remember the dream though, just knew that I had a dream. :P

Everyone'd better read econ notes inside out if not you DIE. :O How did amoeba transformed into a scary session -.- I was just telling Joshua that he'd laugh non-stop at econs lessons then he started shouting at us zzzzzzzzzz. Oh well we must start adapting to him :(

Woohoo going to study with Rongz on Friday hehehe :) Aiya my train of thoughts is like going too fast that I don't know what to write, I suck :(

I don't feel good these days. :/
I need a _____ :(
Bye!

2009-07-20T23:36:00.003+08:00

Hi I have been meaning to blog properly but I can't quite do it.
My mind isn't in one piece, it's like all over the place :O
Anyway I think I am becoming crazy, I realised I talk a lot to myself, as in I don't talk like verbally, just mentally. Do you guys do that too? :O
Been spending a lot of "me" time and I would say... it is on a whole good :)
I think I am starting to like the feeling of being alone this is bad or is this good...... :O
Anyway when you least rely on others, you get hurt much lesser, no?
Today I found out two things that made my day/spoilt my day. Ho hum ho hum not going to blog about it but ahaha I know can already. :) I am just glad I guess? Call me selfish or what, idk. :(

Haiiiii things have been weighing down on me as well.
The only bad thing about spending a lot of "me" time is that I cry a lot :( I am becoming such a crybaby, like I know the reason why I am crying but I just can't put them in words. I talk to myself, so is that considered not bottling things up?

It's so hard to get people to understand what is on your mind man, because of the time people just can't get what you mean/feel the way you do, so I guess I am not going to try. But then again I found out that ____ always seemed to understand how I feel whenever I cry the person's eyes well up as well which make me very shocked. It happened twice already I don't know, I know we are definitely not in the same plight and in some way or another we are more fortunate than each other. But the person definitely knows what I am going through and tend to not judge, thank you for your mild presence.

And dear Aunt Agony, you have been there since God knows when, thanks I think that throughout this entire period of time, you have been the one who has really, supported me in every way you could, through encouragement, your bimboticness (-.-"), your trust, your faith. I am REALLY glad to have you around, to be able to talk to you every night/when I am scared to walk home alone. You have also quite learned to be sacrificial like me, hahahah I am a good influence :) Really, your presence also make me feel a great deal better and I really feel comfortable whenever I talk to you, like I didn't have to express much and you just know what I mean. It is quite hard to find a listener who can understand and at the same time, give constructive advice, so the biggest 收获 out of this entire period of time is really, knowing how good a friend you are to me :)

Nonetheless, it is because of you, people like you who like to bring me down, that make me grow from strength to strength. I hate to compare, I hate to prove to people, but it is just good that I get to see who is true and who is not. Go ahead and be snobbish with your not-even-remarkable-results I'd just like you to know that your EQ is so freaking low even if you get straight As for A's (which you wouldn't even get) , it'd get you nowhere far in life. :/ Whatever it is, I will lead my own life and not let you decide/manipulate the way I live, and no I wouldn't work hard just to prove you wrong, because that's stupid and beneath me. I am who I am and if the people around me do love me, they'd accept me for who I am, and not behave like you, rubbing salt into my wound.

Papa's words to me that day really shocked me. Not only he wasn't disappointed with my straight Us for my core subjects, he wants to get me a new phone to reward my A for chinese. It really came as a surprise to me, because after so many years of my school life, this is only the 2nd time parents are rewarding me, and I don't really want to count the 1st time because I requested for it. I felt ashamed initially that he was going to reward me despite my horrible results, but then again I know that I have already done my best since I really did study for my midyears it is not like I didn't try. Like what Hanna said, I shouldn't discredit myself for what I deserve. I guess the credits are not shown through results, but shown through my character development and perseverance. I will eventually make it, I am not a quitter to begin with.

This is a rather long post I should go to bed already although I haven't completed my chinese homework but I'll do them tomorrow : ) Long day tomorrow again, go go shanny, can't wait for friday to come because it is a half day and monday is no-school day! : )

"Rest if you must, but don't you quit" - I reallyyyyyyyyyy like this line a lot ever since I saw it on council room's wall plus zh's blog. : ) I have rested enough, now I am embarking on a race that everyone has long started w/o me...

Btw, oh well nvm, I forgot my btw. :P

2009-07-16T21:59:00.002+08:00

I wanted to blog an angry post.
But I changed my mind.
The world is still damn beautiful.

I love Deyuan.
I love Misato.
I love HANNA :)
I love Siangyee.
I love Ernest.

Just fuck off if you judge.
You don't even know me.
Who are you to judge?

:(
NVM.
Part of life~
Life goes on. :/

2009-07-15T22:51:00.003+08:00

Hello ahem.

Although I scored a high A for Chinese, (clears throat)
I scored U for all my core H2 subjects, :O :O :O :O

But I am not giving up.
This is the result of me trying to give myself more space.
It doesn't mean that I am stupid.
It doesn't mean that I haven't tried.
And it doesn't mean that this would stay with me throughout.
I promise that Promos will be better, I will not disappoint you.
I will realise your dream in life, that is to see me go into an University.
Not just a normal university, I won't settle for anything but the good ones.
I still have time, and I will not disappoint you.
I will not.
Will not.

Thank you Aldo for having such faith in me :)
"You sound so firm"
"Yes, as firm as Greg's boobs"
HAHAHAHA :)

Yuerong is a meanie I think he doesn't love me anymore he is so mean to me!
He is so annoying :(
Nonetheless I am happy to meet my Chercher and Rongz for dinner tonight!
P/s: Cher and I bought a cute watch haha :)
Pp/s : I am going to study econs now, zai jian! :)

Byebyebyebyebyebye :)
Dear T, please do your job! :)
Thank you very much T. :)

2009-07-13T21:25:00.003+08:00

Why is life filled with realisations?

You just keep unravelling more and more as you grow older, and I really must say the truth sucks.
I am half relieved and glad I guess.
The other half.... it is obvious.

I can't express anything here, I don't know to.
I don't know why my response is so nonchalant.
Perhaps I already 99% expected it.
Just hoping for that 1%.

Now as I am putting myself in the position of an outsider, I think I see things clearer than before.
I am feeling calm and neutral, which to me, spells more than just I don't care.

All your things are gone in the bin :)
And the memories, gone with the wind. :)
I can't bring myself to make you feel guilty. Perhaps after all, I made you to what you are today. I should have brought some sense into you, but saying things to hurt you would just hurt myself more at the end of the day. You're a changed man.
This is the end of my post today, good day.
P/s : I got highest for chinese, 82.75%. I am elated. (you can so see it..)
Good bye!

2009-07-05T19:03:00.002+08:00

Have some time left before leaving home for brother's prayers again, I just NEED to blog.

WTF <- Best term!
I cannot believe we are related given the way you guys behaved.
Is my brother just worth so little?
I really detest the way you guys behaved, I am disgusted and ashamed of you.
If you think that ___ can make me feel better, then fuck off.
Kao I really feel so angry I was crying really hard, half of the time telling brother in my heart that I wish he was around to see for himself.

Okay la it is really beneath me to talk about it further.
I just wanna say, "人在做，天在看".

Anyway!
Met Plus Clique for the past two days albeit not everyone so nice!! :D
Okay everyone is suan-ing me for having MYEs nvmmmmm I stopped studying anyway :)
Woohoo it is a very long story to say la some parts of the day was atrociously weird but nonetheless I love all of you much much :)
Anyhoo, we played pool and Zhi wei is godlike, hahaha! (and Cherie was improving damn fast, ^^ ^^ ^^)
I had fun had fun had fun at pool I love clique! :)

Anyway I can't wait for coming sat it is Best's birthday celebration and we are going to Pulau Ubin to cycle yay! :)
WOOHOOOOOOOO :)
I shall blog soon :)
Siang and I went for One-for-one B&J icecream that day! :)
Hohohohohoho :)

BYEBYE!

2009-07-04T16:44:00.000+08:00

Are regrets just going to be part of the family’s lives?
Are they what brother, you have left for us?
One hundred days… The worst one hundred days of my life ever, and the days following will be not be wonderful as well. Because I am lacking, really lacking.
However I appear to be happy around my friends, however strong I have told people I am going to be, I still cry when I am alone and missing you. I am sure that this is what all of the others at home are going through this too..
Aunt called a while earlier to ask me to help her write a letter to you. It made me cry very bitterly at the other end of the phone. Much as dad and mum are feeling guilty that they led you to this path, I am guilty that I did not show enough concern as a sister, especially when I am the one who had the most opportunity in the family. I can’t say sorry because this is inevitable even if we were all given a second chance. Till now I cannot accept that you are gone forever, I cannot accept that you are not going to smile to us anymore. All of your friends including their parents who know you, they all tell me the image of you in their hearts now is the wide smile you always wore. Thinking back, that smile is really bright and makes one’s day, but we will never see it again. I miss those times that you often relied on me to help you do things, like calling operators to terminate your phone line etc. You’re 8 years older than me yet you always ask me to help you. In the past I found it so annoying, like you could teach me how to speak to the operators, but you just refuse to talk to them yourself. I miss those times that we accused each other of making the computer crash but you eventually will fix it. Right now, the desktop is not working, but I don’t even know how to go about fixing, or who to ask to fix it.
Although I always did not realize in the past, you are actually so darn important to me. Come to think of it, you were always there for me. Any time of the day, even at 4am when I have a stomachache, I could turn to you. I would never dare to eat sunflower seeds anymore now that you are gone since it never failed to give me bad cramps at night. I have no one to turn to now when it is dark and I am afraid of going home on my own. You were actually so significant to me, but I just took it for granted that you would always be around. I really took it for granted that I would always have a brother to count on. But I am so awfully wrong. Anyone can just leave you anytime they need to. I used “need” because I know you didn’t want to leave. As your sister I know that you had a lot of goals in life that you wanted to accomplish. I know you love traveling, I know you still want to find a person whom you love and love you and eventually get married. I know you must have felt so helpless and like you’ve reached the dead end, that you chose this path. I really hope that in my next life, if there is, you’d be my brother again. No other person can replace your place in my heart, my annoying , fun-loving, loud and caring brother. No one can. I will always be lacking, till one day I see you again.
Last week, Tammy girl said that she misses Jiujiu. I am sure she does, for jiujiu always made her day whenever you hid at some corner to say hi to her, with all your stuns and jokes. It even hurts when we do the thumbs up thing we always do, it hurts to call anyone a fatty bombom. In girl’s world, you just merely went somewhere really far to work, and in her eyes, jiujiu will definitely come back someday to play with her like before again. It is so nice to be in her world, where problems are never magnified and never allowed to stay for too long. But one thing for sure, we all miss you.
I really hope that wherever you are, things are hurting less now. Hoping that you can be smiling always, and be smiling from your heart. I know that you’d always be around, for you’ll always live in our hearts. The family will always have a son, we will always have a brother, and Tammy will always have her Jiujiu. You are never going to be replaced, brother, I love you..

2009-06-29T23:17:00.003+08:00

Hahaha damn so there really wasn't extension of holidays! :(
I AM FEELING SO SORE EVERYONE IS HAVING PAPERS EXCEPT OUR SCHOOL WE ARE HAVING NORMAL LESSONS CAN YOU IMAGINE :O

All of them will end their midyears soon it sucks :(
Kao the thought of them ending so early and me so late turns me off.
and the thought of my papers only starting NEXT week turns me even more off.
AND THE THOUGHT OF ONLY VJC SITS FOR FULL PAPER TURNS ME 10000000000000000000000000X MORE OFF.

Annoying H1N1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(is very angry)

AND MY STUPID CONNECTION IS PISSING ME OFF AS WELL #*!(@*&#$^&^@%&!%@#^$(&%(*$)@#(@^^!@&$&^#$&%*&$
Kaooooooooooo :(

(angrier)

I am hungry.
Because I am angry.

:(
School was quite alright, haha :)
Boring lessons though, I feel smart at Chemistry lecture muahahah ^^
Not ready for midyears, how? :(
Someone please teach me Ionic Equilibria please please please :(

2009-06-29T00:00:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday boy :)

Off to bed now, hopefully tomorrow will be a fine day :)
All the best to everyone who has papers tomorrow :)

Goodbye for now, clique :)

2009-06-28T20:28:00.003+08:00

Hurt done, what's there left to say?
说者无意，听者有意。

School tomorrow, damn..... :(
Boring routine starts again, how boring! :O
No more meeting Plus Qu'une clique... :(
Long journey to travel again ah.
Taiwan buddy coming soon! :D

Your birthday tomorrow, I dreamt of you last night.
You wore a smile that I was familiar with, only that you were a million times friendlier than in real life.
We went to a cafe and I don't know what we chatted about, but you looked so happy.
You gave me a hug in the dream, and it feels so... I hope you would smile like you did in the dream :)

That day I saw something that made me think of you instantly and I had the urge to buy you that for your birthday.
But I know you wouldn't want anything from me, maybe you don't even remember about me? :)
But I will still msg you later because I told you you'd always be someone special. :)
Have a blessed 18th birthday my dear :)

New term, meishan buck up!!!! No more excuses for you now, its a brand new term, a brand new start ok! :)

Actually thinking back yesterday, I think it is a very small issue, but it was enough to make me give up a lot of things. I am not even wearing the necklace anymore. I feel a lil' upset, upset with myself. Initially I thought we had that bit of chance left, but now I am quite sure everything is blown off oh well. :) You said deep down in your heart, I'll always be your friend. "Friend" is such a weird term but I will get accustomed to it :)

Goodbye world I should sleep early today!!!
Yesterday I watched 6 episodes of LXHY and slept at 7am, lol! :O

2009-06-28T04:59:00.003+08:00

Actually my heart do hurt a lot. :(
I am only capable of sounding harsh.
Not so when it comes to doing it.

I am an ultimate failure.
Screw off fugly meishan :(

fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly fugly

:(:(:(:(:(
WHY AM I SO AFFECTED. FUCK.

Heart broken.

2009-06-27T23:14:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone :D
Woohoo I bought my new school bagggggg hehehehe :) Now Junhe won't say I have XL bag already!! :D In my sleep I think I received a text from Junhe.... did I? Junhe can you tell me if you texted me! hahahaha :X

I really don't wish to blog much I have already said whatever I wanted to in the message. Plain disgusted and I guess this is exactly what I needed to break away from you. Congratulations to you then, I am officially out of your life :) You never ever thought this day would ever come, did you? You always thought I would be hanging around you even if you are mean to me. Well if you just had to ruin that little bit of what is left of us, then fine by me. I need you to know how much it hurt me exactly. So much for always attempting to give someone the world. I am not getting myself entangled in this kind of shit again, it is truly annoying. I am disgusted. Go ahead and judge, let's see who will be left with you at the end of the day. You've just lost the only person who would be there for you through rain or shine. Now tell me, whose loss is it? The answer is obvious, yours.

Congratulations to you, good riddance huh? :)
Today you have really broken my heart. And this is the final time it is happening to me.

Can't sleeeppppppp!

2009-06-27T03:56:00.003+08:00

:( My body clock is seriously screwed up now I cannot sleep.... :(

Hai so what happened today was, we (Hueiting Sujie Doreen Cherie Xiaoling and me) were supposed to go swimming in the morning before patronising mum's stall because studying, in the end Cherie and Xiaoling backed out, so did I and sujie didn't wanna go, lol. Dodo couldn't wake up either so the whole thing was called off...

At three, yes three, all of us woke up (Xiaoling Cherie me), mortified that it was three hahaha! We finally met at AMK at 5, holy 5 or was it 6 :O Stupid Cherie ps she only wore Pe Shirt, Xiaoling Sujie Doreen and I wore pinafore! Hahahaha so embarrassing to see juniors at AMK hub then they were !!!! Why are you wearing anderson uniform :O Oh man it was quite fun hahahaha we are so stupid yay :D Nice feeling to wear the uniform once again, I really miss Anderson! :D Studied at Macs for a while before having Plus Qu'Une dinner :D Not many people came, guess the size is really shrinking, we all miss the time we ate Astons at Serangoon garden's alley aww :) Seafood marinara sucked much I ate less than half a plate (is guilty) hahahaa! They went to Dragon to lepak while I left first, wanted to go Drive Thru at first but decided to go home eventually since it was already 10+!

Facebooked, studied a bit then talked to Joshua a while, hahaha feeling bored, I went to search "dardar and me" on google and resulted in a lot of twit blogs they are damn hilarious! Joshua and Cherie joined in the fun and Joshua JUST went to bed, thanks to me hahaha :D It is quite fun you guys should try it too hahaha :)

Going to buy schoolbag tmr my schoolbag totally died :( Cannot be XL anymore! Hahahaha :)
I SHOULD SLEEP NOW BYE! :D

What is wasting 1 dollar when you have 80?

2009-06-25T21:15:00.003+08:00

Hahaha :) Life's been splendid, but I haven't studied for 3 days. Am very ashamed of myself :( But I had so much fun! :O

Yesterday was spent idling around and 2/3 BBQ :D :D :D :D
Hahaha it was mega coolness 3/4 of the class turned up how cool is that! :D Kudos to the-man-who-is-too-busy-to-ask-me-out-the-entire-holiday thumbs up! :D Thank you for organising the bbq it was really nice :D

So I played Tennis for the second time in my life opposing Guangfu(ck) and Nigel :D Hehe it was quite fun though all of us quite noob hahaaha :D BBQ was okay the boys suck they started a tiny fire and ran off leaving the girls to fend for ourselves, lol! Haha the fire still managed to start nicely thanks to us girls hehe :D Went swimming with the girls (guangfu inclusive :D) in the ICY water we all almost froze :D Cherie and Sujie were learning how to swim Nigel had so much taking stupid photos of Cherie hahaha :D Ling Dodo and I did jump shots in the water and Guang and I did JUMP shots hahaha okay you can see for yourself when Sujie uploads the photo :D Took class photo hahaha we haven't done that in years! :O Then we went to steam hehehehe :D It was mega fun and we were all hidden in the fog hehehe really very fun! We had a lot of fun bathing too *twitches eyebrows*

Stayover at Cherie's house after that! :D Ling dodo and I crashed her house hehehe :D We went to eat prata for supper :D When we got home ZW said "don't chat until cry ah" then Cherie was like "we already did" LOL it was damn funny okay I love the girls :) We all lied down together to read FML and we just kept "omg omg omg" at all the stories it was so funny :D Finally died at 5am with Dodo, leaving ling and Cherie online-shopping :D They died at 6am too then we all woke up at 1 something :D Everyone is so hyped about "is school hols extending???"

Hehehe took the train back then ling and I went to buy transformer tickets and the queue was !@^!*@%&!@$!@&%#&^#$ it was the first time I saw such a long queue at Cathay Woodlands, on a thursday afternoon. :O then bought lunch and we came back home :D

As soon as I was home, I was chatting with Cherie and dodo again, how gay is that! We are like super glue after school hols end we are gonna dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..... not! :D De yuan came up with a "let's study together then we'll be damn zai" plan hahahaha :D I am a loserrrrrrrrrr (I just felt like saying that!!)

I think I am so ugly I should hide myself in a closet because I can't bring myself to face _________ I suck :( I am going to hide myself in the closet, closet,closet. I can't be high maintenance -> I am going to be ugly foreverzxzxz.

People always tell me ..
You look prettier when you were in Sec 1.
That statement is sad enough right.
But the world is damn evil.
Wei Leong said , "you look more and more like Miss ____" WTH :(
I should just hide myself in the closet foreverzxzzx.
I am not going to date forever bye!
I have been too daring to love, I should learn to be shy.
Not going to tell anyone I love them!!!!!!
I'm shy, thanks :$

Off to watch transformer with brother's friends :) :)

PS:

They are going to bathe, yay :D

:) :)

2009-06-24T04:27:00.002+08:00

Hello world, yesterday has been so nice! :D
Ok I went for facial, followed by waxing then disturbing the <3s at drive thru! :D

Everyone should come and touch my legs la it is so smooth (deyuan can't stand me keep telling everyone my legs damn nice in the middle of a conversation :O)
It is really damn smooth if only I do not have leg hair forever..... *twitches eyebrows* hahahahaha oh well!

Today it was a bad thing that they met me because I was so noisyyyyyyyyy and we just kept camwhoring! A total of 120++ photos taken today can you believe it! Hahahaha I can't quite believe that deyuan secretly likes to camwhore as well kekeke :D The videos are hilarious I can die from watching them over and over again :D

Recorded my evil laughter into Cherie's phone and made it the ringtone when I call then we pranked her brother it was a succeess!! Damn fun we shall prank more people soon ^^ Didn't realise my evil laughter was that scary, hahahahaha evil indeed ^^

Deyuan is my boyfriend lehhhh Cherie and xl said that we took photos like we were a couple hahahaha sour grapes!!!
We just sat at macdonalds and camwhored can you believe it...... :O

Whatever happened to studying?!?!?!? Never mind, it is ok!!! Mid years is postponed :) :) But my hopes are dashed how, I hate H1N1. :( I want I want I want _________ :( Guess almost everyone knows what I am talking about hahahahahahaha too bad if you don't know don't ask me!!! :D

Errrrrrr what else......
I saw my annoying friend today while we were at S11 haha so qiao! Someone is going to fail his MYEs la he doesn't study tskkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!

OMG I HATE CHERIE !
SHE INTRODUCED ME TO ALL THE COOL THINGS I CAN DO TO MY MAC.
AND THE RESULT?
I AM AWAKE NOW, AT 4.35am AFTER I AM FINALLY DONE WITH PLAYING WITH MY MACBOOK.
I am supposed to meet Dodo 9am at yishun swimming complex! Gonerrrrrrrr :O
Today is damn a lot of photos day, but I am not uploading a single one, hahaha! :P

Good~~night~~morning world! :)
On the train just now xl and I realised today could have been the 42th month, wth! :O
2/3 BBQ at stevie house later yay! :D

BYEBYEBYEBYE :D

PS : That annoying techno tune that annoying friend keeps humming and coincidentally De yuan hummed today is stuck in my head, thanks huh.

:(

2009-06-23T01:55:00.001+08:00

I MISS MY TSB :(

Happy day :D

2009-06-23T00:45:00.004+08:00

Today I had monday blues..... NOT!
Lol, not exactly a super productive day, but it was still ok! :D
Annoying person came to my house to annoy me...... Ok la he was a good studying companion! :D
He keeps asking me to "shut up" he is such a loser how can he bully the host! :( :( :(
We competed Typing Maniac obviously I am the winner la (coughs) someone still needs to look at the keyboard when he typing one!!!! (coughs again)
And he got a hiscore from continuing what I left..... he is a cheaterbug!!! ( I don't care hahaha)
And this is what we did...... (look below hahaha)

He typed the "awesome" himself!!!
He wanted to embarrass me by commenting "sorry wrong comment" after I commented something bad about him... Haha but I am nice la ok I deleted away the post hahahaha!
Gosh we are like kids playing games..... :O
You should totally see the games he play and how excited he is over them..... HAHA.
Such a cute boy hahaha :D
Bastarding him was damn fun by refusing to help him to say Hi to mum and dad, he was so panicky his expressions was priceless!!

ALL OF YOU NEED TO LAUGH ALONG WITH ME... YOU SEE THIS!!!! Even he couldn't stop laughing himself, lmao!

ITS FUNNY RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He can win his opponents by shocking them how stupid their opponent looks... HAHA :D

OKAY I SHALL DO MORE CONSTRUCTIVE STUFF LIKE PLAYING MORE FACEBOOK GAMES CYAAAAAA :D

Oh btw Hols not extended so expected! Go CNA.com to see forum it is damn funny to see how people react lol!!
BYEEEEEE :D

FUN WEEKEND!

2009-06-21T22:12:00.003+08:00

HAHAHAHA I HAD A FUN FILLED WEEKEND I HAVE A LOT OF PHOTOS!!!!!

But I haven't uploaded them :X
Because I can't find the Kodak disk so I can't! Nevermind I asked my sister to bring home the memory card I will upload everything next week! :D

Hahaha yesterday was a fun day it was SLV at botanical garden!! :D
Playing Ice and Water with the kids were wow! :D
I have muscles ache from climbing the tree, how stupid!
It was quite scary leh I think I suck hahahaha but it was fun I got up eventually :D :D

After that I went swimming with the polo girl, the china girl and the ac girl, hahahaha :D
It was such fun albeit it started raining quite soon :(
We played stupid things and hahah dodo taught me how to swim freestyle I swear I am not the swimming kind of person! I feel like learning swimming again or maybe I should find someone pro to teach me (hinting someone) But I am really bad at coordination.... :(
But recently I see that so many people around me are all playing a sport at least I feel like a loser sigh..... :(

Oh I saw a shooting star that day!!! Muahahahaha it is my seventh I am so cool right ^^ I saw it at Amk again, so cool like suddenly I looked up at the sky and I saw it sweeping fast rather slowly (for a shooting star) hahahah :D

OH OH GREG IS SO AWWWW HAHAHAHAH :D

Greg : "I have two words to tell you"
Me: "Ya?"
Greg: "I love you"
Me: "that's three words!"
Greg: "Because you and I are one"

Awwwwwwww right hahahahahahaa but he didn't mean it la, duh :D
Okie I am looking forward to 2/3 bbq hehehehee :D

Byebye! :D

Replies to tag :
Cher : yes khatib is lurbxzx lurbxzx :D
Cherie :hehehe you cry baby, like that also cry!! come back soon i miss you already :(
Doreen :hahahah then you must keep referring to the sms!!! :D Must improve your chinese !! :D hehe yes we will keep meeting everytime we can probably study together in the weekends! :D anyway plus qu'une sounds so cute heheheheh :D love you honey!!

Okie bye!!! :D

Awwwww.

2009-06-20T02:32:00.003+08:00

I just went facebooking while talking to Siangyee and omg I AM SO ENVIOUS OF THIS COUPLE.
I swear it is the sweetest couple I have seen so far, and they just look so compatible!!!!

The girl looks exactly like a plain jane, but suddenly beside him she looks so much prettier..
It must be the glow of being in love.
It makes me really wish that I have a boyfriend so I can do what she did to him.
And even wish more that my boyfriend would be like him.
GOSH they are just so sweet!!!!
I forsee myself getting stuck at facebook and especially at HIS profile staring at all of their photos.

EVERYONE SHOULD BE IN LOVE.
OMG !!! I CAN'T STOP GUSHING HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
DON'T ASK ME WHO THE COUPLE IS LOL.
DAMN SWEET *faints

:D

2009-06-19T18:02:00.003+08:00

Hahaha hi I'm so happy! :D

Today is June 19, a special day in my heart hahahaha (:
Things can change a lot in one year don't you think? But life is still beautiful I guess..

Oh well I have been studying!! Are you shocked ^^ For the past three days add up together I didn't use my baby macbook for one hour ^^ How pro is that hahahaha :D

Met the studying gang everyday to study, wth! :O
Quite amazing that they are the ones that I am studying with each day :D
Ytd ling-er yuanyuan and I studied at Drive thru till 5am!!!! :D

One word to describe us after that : CUI.
LOL okay I think we were a lil' crazy but I am really a nocturnal person, what to do?? :O
Anyway Drive thru is really my love :D I love it even more at night gosh it is so peaceful :D

Omg what's even nicer is Junhe and co we went back to Khatib to study!!! OMGGGGGG.
Seems like everything there is still the same, and it seems like we are the only ones who have changed :O
The pregnant woman last year has already given birth and the son is cute!! :D
The room still smells the same..
Honey lemon is still godlike...
Popiah auntie still closes her stall damn early..
The feeling there is just so familiar...
I really like it hahaha :D
But they have changed the lift though! Got mirror now hahaha !
Going back there really makes me relive the O level period, which I would say, the period that I have enjoyed most ironically. Going there everyday and studying... Eating crab to reward ourselves sometimes!
Eating the supposed "godlike" food there, walking around and thinking we found another coffee shop in the end it is the same one... The corner outside the reading room! Where we studied our geography. Ah, I just miss those times (:
I was happiest then, I think.
I had everything I needed in the world.
Only now I am more lacking, but it is okay. Life goes on.

Many days have passed and well, the crying bit has somewhat stopped although occasionally I will still feel like crying.
It is almost a hundred days but you have not stopped being in my mind.
It has already become a habit of mine that each night before I sleep I will think of how you look, how you smile and how you always look into the mirror, the memories we shared..
I know wherever you are, you are missing the family as well, till now I feel that it is such a silly decision you've made, but nonetheless I'd respect it.
Missing someone can actually be so painful at times..
But it is okay, I will learn.

Heart to heart talk with ling-er, dodo (haha) and yuanyuan at macs ytd night.. Made me realise a lot of things. Gemini indeed huh hahahaha you stupid geminis :D Daring to love, daring to wait, daring to be stupid, loving someone really requires a lot of courage :D To love or to be loved, to fall in love with someone from the past again, ah there is just so many things :D

Somewhat I hope this June hols will stay, so we will just keep studying together, adding more things into our nice memories (: Hopefully all of us will perform up to our own expectations eventually! :D Five years of friendship, five long years... (:

Deyuan thought I was hot in sec one yay hahahahahaha :D
Oky doke, I am going to drive thru again now :D Smell ya l8r! :D

Simple bliss.. (:

And I still miss you. It's hard to control I'm sorry hahaha. (:

HAHAHAHAHA

2009-06-16T14:39:00.002+08:00

I SHOULD BLOG RIGHT HAHAHAHAHA.

Ho hum but I don't know what to blog about!
Creating facebook quiz "How well do you know Mei Shan?" season five now hahaha :D
Quite addicted to setting quizzes hehehehe!

Okay I apologise for missing school, again.
I really have problems waking up nowadays!
It is such a terrible habit, gosh.
It sums up to... I have only gone to school for ONE day in the entire holiday, wth! :O
Hanna will scold me for ditching her again, then Siangyee will be shocked that I fell asleep again!
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.
But school is too far away. ):

Oh steamboat that day was rather fun hahaha, the guys were such glutton! :O
EX boyfriend got bastarded numerous times, damn funny :D
Tammy seriously is out to snatch my boyfriend/best friend/everything hahaha I swear she is in love with that monster! :O
“我要那个穿Orange colour衣服的哥哥”
Hahahahahaha :D
We watched Wet Dreams 1 and 2 but it was dead boring we changed to watch GTO instead hahaha :D
Eventually only left Dy, jh, zw, Cherie and I gossiping, damn funny :D
I slept at 7 ok! I am ultimate hahahaha :D
We went to eat mac breakfast tgt before I came home at 12 noon and slept till 5 :D
My tammy is too adorable, how! :O
Junhe wants to marry xinxin hahaha :D

Yesterday was council outing but damn, you guessed it, I overslept again! Was supposed to meet the council at 11 but I only woke up at 12 plus, I am godlike hahahahah :X Reached there and saw Cheryl omg so qiao to see Best there!!! :D Then saw hanping, Kaiting, Jean and Jacq Choo as well, wah, Sentosa is so small man! :O
All I did there was to play Taboo and Volleyball, hahahah Volleyball was fun!! :D Little camwhoring though, so sad hahahaha :(
Met annoying "master" to pass him his annoying bottle and bought him annoying food to fill his annoying stomach! Walao I am so nice to buy him food but he insisted that the pearls in my bubble tea are shit! I hate him that annoying faggot. :( Who ask him to be so important to me, fine lor I have to be his slave :(
Went to Sakura after that omg it was a damn long walk from the station! Reached at 6.30 somewhere there and I ate till 9pm! I am godlike okay by the last hour everyone was watching me eat and waiting for me to finish but I just kept eating, gosh my appetite is scary :O I want to eat TSB and I wanna eat Oreo Cheesecake!!!!!! (I'll marry anyone who bakes me Oreo Cheesecake!!!!!!!)

Eh I am going to Drive thru to study soon, I haven't gone there in a while! At night Best will come and find me hopefully it will be productive hehe :D I love Best I can't wait for A level to be finished (omg I can't believe I just typed A level:O) then we will go overseas together hehehe hopefully the entire TSB can go together! But sure have some annoying people who refuse to go :( Pray pray! :D No photos because I am lazy so byebye :D

Replies to tags:

Hanna: Haha I should say thanks instead because i asked you out and I was so horribly late! :O
Cherie and Misato: Yeahyeahyeah have a fun conversation at my board hahahah :D
CF: Hehehehee ^^ ^^ ^^
Yao: You look stupid, not funny lol. (:
Cherie: hehehe thanks for letting me rant ! :D
Misato: Hahha I love you too!!! :D
Doreen: Hahahhaa orh hor you don't love your papa anymore ! :O

Bye!!!!

相信付出会有代价, 代价只是一句傻瓜

ANGRY.

2009-06-12T23:05:00.004+08:00

I AM SO ANGRY.

I NEED TO RANT VERY MUCH.

I AM RANTING TO CHERIE NOW.

BUT FUCK I REALLY FEEL SO ANGRY!!!!!!
MOSTLY WITH MYSELF BECAUSE I AM SO STUPID STUPID STUPID.

CAN YOU STOP USING ME.
CAN I START LEARNING TO SAY NO.
WTF I SERIOUSLY MUST START LEARNING.

KINDNESS.
IT IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
BUT PUI.
NOTHING IN YOUR, YOUR, YOUR and YOUR EYES!

DOESN'T PAY TO BE NICE.
DOESN'T.
DOESN'T.

ALL OF YOU SHOULD STOP APPROACHING ME FOR HELP.

OKAY FINE YOU KNOW I DON'T MEAN THAT.
I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO TURN ANYONE AWAY.
I AM JUST SO STUPID.
SOMETIMES I JUST WISH.

ONE PERCENT OF WHAT I TREAT PEOPLE CAN BE RETURNED.
JUST THAT FUCKING ONE PERCENT.
BUT WTH IS THIS WORLD'S PEOPLE ALL DEAD AND FORGOT ABOUT RECIPROCATING?

BIRTHDAYS.
IRONICALLY PEOPLE'S BIRTHDAYS ARE MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN MEDICINES.
BUT DO YOU, EVEN REMEMBER ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT?

IT'S DIFFERENT ISSUES AND DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND DIFFERENT THINGS AIYA WHATEVER.

I AM JUST SO PISSED.
AND FEEL SO USED.

(INSERTS ALL VULGARITIES IN THIS WORLD)

Late but never too late!

2009-06-10T21:50:00.007+08:00

Hahahaha finally received the photos from Nadia~~

:D :D

It looks like we are celebrating his birthday again right hahah :D

Vain pot~

I laughed at this photo for damn long I swear I can't stand both the expressions of Krystalle and Misato!!!!!!! :D

He looks really stupid........ :O

Still have a lot of photos not here yet, the hassle because of my lousy connection plus Nadia have no facebook! :O Oh well I tell you the photos make me smile so much all of us look so retarded sigh (happy sigh) I love them! Don't think we'll be meeting anymore this hols though sigh(sad sigh) we haven't had a COMPLETE TSB outing before, ever. )= It sucks all of you suck! )=

Ok I am kidding I still love them.
Goodnight woohoo meeting Cher my Best tmr!!
(she pangseh-ed me tonight sian)

Studying starts today!

2009-06-10T20:57:00.005+08:00

So today was studying day!!! :D

Hahahaha not too bad for a start I guess, I finished one topic for econs, have 4 more to go for Econs!! :D Going to finish another one by tonight, hopefully :D

Sorry Hannanananana I was late for 2 hours! Hahaha I am so godlike how did I turn into someone who is so late!!! :O I really have trouble waking up these days! Can I have a human alarm please hehehehe! :X Oh well met Hanna at BK @ Wheelock for lunch then JNYC came! :D Studied and well crapped a lot too!!

"Who is Macintosh?" <-- Bimbo statement!
*turns behind to see "Macintosh" coming* <--- Himbo action

LOL the two of them are priceless laaaa :X

We went to Taka for fun and I bought a pair of Everlast shoes for 19.90!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahahahahahahha I feel so happy hehehe :D
I have a sudden urge to buy iPod... and so I told them I would save $20 a week to get it and you know what! After calculating how much I already have I was only $20 short, hahahahaha I don't intend to buy it already at least not now! But nowadays I listen to songs so much more often hahaha :D

Woohoo HF has already tagged us in the photos at FB, so efficient! So yep these are the photos from yesterday! :D

Ahahah I down-ed five Cherries at a go! I don't understand why no one likes it :O

Neoprint Gay Madness hahahah :D :D :D :D

CF with her $9.90 Mickey Mouse watch.. LOL! :D

Five of us! :D

Oh well that's all!!! I am going to clean my bedroom now... What a challenge to my life! :O It is so so so messy oh no! :O Must pretend that I am a very tidy girl when the clique comes on Saturday hahahaha :X

Byebye :D

Heeheehaahaahoohoo :D

2009-06-09T23:00:00.002+08:00

You guys (girls) are indeed motivating so many people tagged woohoo!!! :D :D

Today is a fun day as well but at the end of it I was so tired!! :D

Went out with HF ^^ , CF, Lynette and jojo! :D
We met at Orchard haha everyone was late except CF too bad! :D

We ate at NYDC and I ate "when pigs fly" = SWINE FLU hahahahaa
It was okay CF and I shared GREEN MONSTER hahahaha :D

We went on to take NEOPRINT OMGGXZXXZXZ gay shit but it was damn hilarious!!!!! :D :D
(which reminds me that the neoprint taken last year is still uncut...... :O)

After Neoprint we went to Gelare to eat hehehehehehehe it was half-price tuesday!!! :D
HF spent a bomb on us, so sorry and thank you very much!!! If I eat like this everyday, bu fei cai guai!!!

TOMORROWXZXZXZ IS GOING TO BE STUDY DAY OMG WITH ANNOYING FRIEND, HANANANANANANANA :D
(maybe I'll ditch her again, LOL!)

Oh, Miss T called just now and so did the school counsellor. I mean, its been such a long time it just feels weird being reminded again.. I am surprised it hurts lesser to talk about it now, but oh well I am glad I am being myself again, right now I am just worried about midyears and nothing else. (:

What really brightened up my day was, Mr Chee's testimonial for the entire camp and endless praises for me that went to P, council teachers and even Miss N, it really gives me a lot of affirmation. Of course when Miss T said that as well, I was glad that I have finally proven my worth. Go ASC :D

After the rest left, CF and I went for a walk since there was no movie to watch.. We walked from Fareast to Plaza Sing!!! :D We finally found out that random Andersonian's name -- LI MEI! Well we just keep chatting lor (actl I keep blabbering) It was a very nice conversation hehehe :D

We took the circle line home for fun well it is really quite fun hahahaha :D

I am mildly insane today!
Hahaha tomorrow is Hanna day (:

No photos because HF and Lynette haven't uploaded!!!

Replies to tags (yay I like I have a lot of tags!)

HANNA: Maybe I'll ditch you tomorrow again for all we know? ^^ ^^ ^^
DOREEN : Hehehehe yes the clique keeps meeting!!! We are going to meet for the third time in a week hehehe I am so crazy around you all lalala :D Yes my blog is back I am noisy again hehehehehehehe must tag often to keep me blogging haha :D
SIANGYEE: Hehehehe don't give excuse I bet you didn't tag yesterday!! You are a bimbo hehehe :D HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI :D
LANQI : You don't know meh? Now everyone wanna go on a diet, Pikachu went on a diet too!!! :D
CHERIE: OI YOU KP YOU ARE CO-ORGANISER HOR IF YOU DON'T COME THIS SATURDAY THAT'S IT! IT IS THE END OF OUR FRIENDSHIP!!! Well hahahaha you bought it for yourself what haha :D
LYNETTE : HAHAHAHA HI I FINALLY CAN TALK TO YOU! So meaning now you have a phone la? Omg you are damn careless how can a $50 fly away!! Maybe someone knows you are careless and took it... ): Be more careful with your belongings k! :D STUDY TOGETHER SOON :D
CHERYL : MY BLOGSKIN IS SO CUTE RIGHT HEHEHEEHEHHEEHE :D:D:D:D:D:D

69!

2009-06-09T01:48:00.002+08:00

Oh, and happy 69 day to you, 090609! Hahaha 69 (twitches eyebrows)

Goodnight world!! :D Sissy is back yay :D

Happy day!

2009-06-09T01:44:00.002+08:00

Hello it is so late again I don't like to come home so late but never mind ah it was Adam EBF birthday just now!
There wasn't any cake cutting since he hates cake haha but many photos taken!
Got screened by police for the first time in my life because we were noisy when taking photos :O

Lepak-ed with Cherie Zhi Wei And Xiaoling before meeting the rest we just had a nice chat!
Khei is so rubbish we took 5 hours before we finally met what the hell! Hahahaha :D

I like my blogskin a lot leh, do you like it too hehehe :D

TAG LEH IF NOT I AM NOT MOTIVATED TO BLOG!
YOU YOU YOU , YES YOU ! YOU BETTER TAG NOW! :D

I am hoping hoping! :D

Photos!!

2009-06-08T15:53:00.016+08:00

FLOOD YOU LIKE MAD HEHE, ENJOY!

Haven't been blogging a lot, so these photos are compensation for the lack of blogging.
A picture speaks a thousand words, so yep! :D

Back!

2009-06-08T14:53:00.002+08:00

Well it is always nice to take a lil' break from everything, as long as you come back.
So I've returned from my break and the blog is back! Ahah going to change the blogskin it is going to be this awfully cute blogskin!!

Missed school again today, I can just never wake up on time sigh! Anyway I have this very bad cramp albeit xh is not here yet :/

Adam's birthday celebration later, wow I'm meeting Plus Clique so often! (shit I am going to be crazy again..... :O)

CYA (:

Nostalgic pretty much.

2009-06-07T23:32:00.003+08:00

Days going by and I realise I am meeting my clique lesser and lesser..
I know I also feel less attached to them, that I know it is natural as I see them so happy with their new friends... I mean I have good friends around me too, who doesn't?
But sometimes I really miss the kind of system whereby all of us just attend lessons in one class and in between lessons we just create havoc..
Scribbling rubbish on the white board, decorating the class.... Like you have some place to call your own, some place to go to after school.... But now it is just weird and empty..

Went to Misato's blog and saw Guang and her photo, in the background I saw two empty disposable Tupperware from Mr Bean and Cheryl in the background.. I suddenly recall of our extremely messy classroom and how Andrew Lim would nag at us everytime. It would be so nice, if we could just go back for lessons for just one day, pretend for just one day. But we know it is not quite possible.. I haven't thought much about Anderson for quite some while already, but now I am beginning to miss it all over again. But all I can say is, I am really glad that most of us did cherish our times at Anderson, counting down to the last official school day and attempt to stay in class longer everyday. Hai, things could just change so much in one year yeah?

There is one couple that I am always really jealous of. They don't appear lovey dovey in front of us, in fact we hardly even go out with the two of them. But when I read the blog, and see their happy photos, and see her in school, I can't help but to notice how fortunate they two are, and how lonely I am. I know there isn't much for me to complain about our status and relationship, I just can't quite help being envy. (: But I am really happy to see them happy together, at least it proves that love is really an amazing thing, which I really feel it is (: One day my happiness will return to me as well, and I know I will find someone, or get back to him, a person who can bring me happiness and love me like a lil' girl (: And somewhat I am quite sure, that person will still be you. I know that I am not the only one who hasn't move on. I believe, I still believe, that Vicky asked me to place trust in my love, our love, I will. I know one day it will come back to me, and we will be really happy after that. It is just not time yet.. But even if we really never get back together again, I am really happy that you are my best best best best bestie, we can argue about anything without feeling awkward, I can hug you as and when I want till you find a new girlfriend. I love you kk, always will, no matter what happens (:

Meet my new daisy!!! :D A bit sad that I have to buy it myself... It is well, the first daisy that I've bought for myself. Daisy ducks have always been a gift from people special. :O Oh well she's fat and I annoy people with her haha :D

Move on?

2009-06-06T12:59:00.003+08:00

Months have passed, but I still miss him.

Someone who has definitely loved me more than I loved him,
someone who was more proud of me than I was of him.

I remember him insisting that I get a reward for getting 8 points at O level.
He said I have done really well and I ought to be rewarded.
What happens now when I do well for A level?
He can't reward me anymore..

For getting into EM1, he got me the Sims Unleashed with his own allowance.
For getting good PSLE results, he bought me a Printer.
For getting good O level results, he gave me a NUM bag.

What to expect in the future now?
I'll never hear his laughter again, never wrestle with him again, never have someone to save me from fear when I wake up in the middle of the night due to a nightmare again.

I have always told myself to cherish the people around me.
But I have forgotten to cherish him.
Why am I so foolish?
I am so ashamed of myself..

2009-05-24T01:06:00.002+08:00

I have no idea how things turned out this way.
I have no idea why you are so afraid of looking into my eyes.
I have no idea why you just have something to say for every single thing that I do.
I have no idea where all the gentleness there was in you have gone to.
I have no idea why I am beginning to feel so annoyed with you.
I have no idea why there seems to be lesser and lesser reasons to love you each day yet;
I have no idea why I am falling in deeper and deeper for you each day.
I have no idea why I just seemed so worthless to you.
I have no idea why I can become so insignificant.
I have no idea why I have become so pretentious in front of you.
I have no idea why I feel so afraid to approach you.
I have no idea why you were sitting right next to me but it felt like you were million of miles away.
I have no idea how our love turned out this way.
I have no idea why I am not the reason of your happiness anymore.
I have no idea what exactly is getting into me.
I have no idea what exactly is getting into you either.
I have no idea why we just have to end up this way.
I have no idea, no idea why you have forgotten about all the happy things in the past.
I have no idea why you are capable for making me feel so lousy.
I have no idea why we are the only couple that is unable to make it.
I have no idea, no idea at all.
Is it me? Is it my fault? Or have I loved you too much? Treated you too well? Is it a sin to love you the way I did? Is it wrong to try to do anything in the world to make you smile? Is it wrong to try to make you feel like no one else can treat you better than I do? Have I been trying too hard? Have I been using the wrong methods to love you?

But it just hurts, this bad.
Boy, do you know I really don't wanna lose you ever ever?
I am still wishing each day, each day you would turn back one day.
I am still wishing that we could go back to the past.
I am still wishing that this is a test for our love and we will eventually make it.

I really wish that your wish made tonight was something to do with me.
I just love you so much baby.
You know you'd always be my baby... ):

...

2009-05-15T21:27:00.002+08:00

Haven't been blogging for really long, because I don't know what to blog about.

I really need my dears to talk to, instead of to the computer. I can't express how I am feeling at all.
But I feel lost, so lost. Have I really lost everything dear to me?

I am really tired to continue to try and fight for what I want. Pursuing is too tired. I really want to take a break from everything. But maybe certain things are just too important to me, I can't let it go. If I really let it go, I know I will regret all my life. So am I supposed to keep fighting for something that I have little confidence of getting?

Too much have been happening. I realised I am getting afraid of being alone. But not just any simple company would make me feel comfortable. I need them but I know maybe the distance that separates all of us just makes it impossible for them to be there for me. I really feel so lost when they are just too busy, just too stressed, just too sick to be bothered about me. I asked myself if I would still be there for them if I am busy/stressed/sick, my answer to myself was a firm yes. Why is it that it is always just so one-sided? Are my problems just not problems, are my problems just so minute to them? Whenever I start a conversation to want to tell them how I am feeling, the conversation just ends up with me trying to de-stress them or getting them to rest early and get well soon. Am I really so unimportant to them? Why is it that I treat them with such utmost importance and all I get are these???? I am scared to approach further, I am scared, really..

Can't find a proper place where I can vent everything up, am I really just so alone? ):

Life's too hard.
All my favourite quotes just can't spur me on now.
Keep your face to the sunshine? I really can't find my sunshine... ): Where has my sunshine gone? It's been so gloomy since you're gone... ):
Rest if you must but don't you quit? I am not going to quit, but I just can't find the strength to carry on... ): ): ):
"If you want to see the rainbow, you must first put up with the rain" - I have really been putting up with the rain, and the rain just gets heavier with time, I can't even see where I am going... ): Is there really rainbow after this awful downpour? I am really skeptical about it.

It is really too hard. I can't get on with life. I am like stuck, alone.

TGIF

2009-05-08T18:03:00.002+08:00

So, it's been a week.

Regretted my choice at some point in time, but I realised that there is really no need to regret. Finally hear that you say you no longer love me, but I feel so angry instead of sad. And I feel really bitter. Right from the start, have you known what's "I love you" at all? Or did you just enjoy whatever treatment that you got from a girlfriend? I thought I would be someone more special in your heart, but I think I am wrong after all. What angers me is not that you don't love me anymore, I don't mind and I am willing to accept it. But could you, even you, find an excuse for your own actions and behaviours to me? Were all those kisses after the breakup merely because you missed kissing, merely because you sympathised me?

I really don't know how I should feel right now. The one whole month plus, I felt I have lost everything. Every single bit of happiness that I had, that I felt lucky about. In the short period of time, so many things have been taken away from me. Friends, love, kinship, it is all like a sudden attack that robbed me of everything. I know friends would argue that they are here for me, but we all know that everyone has someone who means especially something to them, and I have lost those of mine. Not that I have really lost them, but I could no longer relate myself to them. Sometimes when I miss them and think of texting them, the action seems like a chore to me, and I didn't want to make the first move. Scared that the replies would be obligatory, or worse, no reply at all. Attempted to find happiness in being alone, being with myself, but it just reminds me buggingly of all that I've lost. I know many people would tell me that what I am going through couldn't be comparable to a lot of other people out there, but I am struggling. Really struggling. I find myself getting sick in the heart, feeling so tired physically and mostly mentally. I don't know when it is my turn to collapse, but really, I am about to breakdown. In front of people I hardly know for the past 2 months, I could only put on a strong front. But even as I am in front of those dear to me now, I find myself putting up a strong front too, starting to build a wall between myself and everyone else.

I am really tired, and I want to go into a deep, long sleep...

Today.....

2009-05-03T19:03:00.002+08:00

I have set my mind on this.
Today it'll start. And it'd start from me.

Gone with the wind.

):

2009-05-03T18:26:00.004+08:00

For the past few days it has been really difficult to fall asleep, even when I was feeling tired.
The dreams that haunt me when I do finally fall asleep are just never ending, each and every day I am having nightmares.
What do all these mean?
I thought I have moved on, I thought things were fine and I thought I wasn't so affected by the whole incident.

But, I have just realised, no I have not.
It just gets harder each day, more real each day.

I really think this is the most fucked up period of my life.
Like him, I ought to be enjoying my time too. Everyone at home should.
But why did things just have to turn out this way?

It is a comfort to me, when I get up from a nightmare and I see your late reply.
However I was only 14min late to tell you I was afraid, but you have already fallen asleep.
I feel scared, the kind of afraid feeling that most of you wouldn't be able to comprehend.
I want to sleep, have a good sleep, but to sleep itself is already a nightmare.
Every day is a reality check.
I wake up to a new day realizing what I have not done, what I have lost, what I have done wrong.

Life is just in a mess now, a big mess.
And I am tired of the facade I am wearing.
I need you, so much.
To be there to coax me back to sleep when I wake up from a nightmare;
To assure that you are there and there was nothing to be afraid of;
To hug me in your arms and allow me to feel safe.

But it'll never happen again, boy.

Irony.

2009-05-03T00:20:00.003+08:00

This whole life is an irony, don't you think?

Many times you find yourself caught in a situation, you know one choice will benefit you very much, but you choose to follow your heart which may end up making you upset. There is totally no reason to pick the latter, but you just do it.

Sometimes we are just so reluctant to let go, let go of all the memories that we have and well, harp on all the things that we regret not doing/have done to hurt the ones we love the most. Sometimes we say that this person is making such a brainless/rash decision, but the fact is, this person has already considered the pros and cons of the decision but decided to go ahead with it. We may not be able to agree all the time, but at the very least, we should respect the decisions made, no?

Likewise I already have plenty of regrets in life. Always harassed by the "what ifs" and "what could have been", being unable to let go... Times when I decided that I would not think so much about things and stop trying to stay rational all the time, I feel happier. But I just can't stay in those moments for long because I just have all the reality checks all the time.

Like, Baby is obviously not the one for me anymore, we can never return to those times anymore, I just can't bear to pull myself away from him an inch. Afraid of all the "maybe next time things may be different..." but really, am I helping myself? No. I just sink in deeper and deeper, getting more involved than I ever should and eventually getting hurt. I hate the fact that he floods my entire life but at the same time feel happy to see his pictures everywhere. You can call that deceiving myself, but I call that motivating myself. Other than him, I really cannot find anything else that I am truly living for. Life becomes pointless and I have nothing to look forward to. At least now I get to look forward to coming online to talk to him, look forward to weekends when we usually get to meet. I am aware of the fact that I am being such a fool, but I enjoy every bit of it. To see his smile just means so much to me, do any of you know? Love the fact that he is reliant on me, so that at least I won't be forgotten so soon.. Sometimes I know that whenever I am helping him to do certain things, I am just pushing him further away from me, pushing him to other girls. But to choose between helping him and losing him, I choose helping him. I know that in the very future I'll eventually be so heartbroken, but maybe at that time, I would foolishly be happy for him instead of fighting for what I truly want and deserve. He has really let me realize what's true love, what is selfless and self-sacrificing love. I never knew I could be this nice to anyone on this whole universe, really it surprises me how I can put aside everything that I have in hand just for him. I am aware, aware of how quiet we are when we are with each other alone, aware of the silence that just exist between us. Much as we claim we'll always be bestest friends, we will always stick around for each other, this will end one day. One day there may not even be any proof that we have been together once, maybe even you and me will not even remember the times that we had, how we progressed from strangers to super loving couple, but I just wanna stick around for as long as I can ever hold on, hold on tightly till my last finger loses grip. And it would forever be so unfair to whoever that I am going to date in the future, because I know I will not be as nice to them as I am to this special guy in my life. Oh well...

Time will heal, everyone says that, but I have seen for myself how certain people are standing by what they believe in for years. For example, ___. Her only birthday wish was to spend it with him, though she was already seeing someone new. There's just, no other who can replace him in her heart, albeit their love was a matter of the past which is 4 years ago. The guy has since moved on, never looked back, but I know that in her heart, she is quietly waiting, waiting for this special day that miracle may happen and he may come back to her again. Will time really heal? I doubt so. There are just certain things in life you'd never be able to let go, never ever forget..

I wonder why it is so difficult for two people who are in love with each other to be together. The different environments that they live in, different culture that they are in, that makes them so different in the aspects of thinking, perceptions, etc. All pacts in the past just prove to be unreal and naive, because really, nothing in this world is forever.

The most hurting part is when you are in a relationship, your boyfriend tells you how he wanted to be with you forever and would never want another, and when it's ended, you hear him saying how ridiculous it is to date just one girl and get married. You feel absolutely... cheated, hurt and foolish to have had believed whatever he said in courtship. And the next thing you realize is, your ex-boyfriend may just be telling his new girlfriend the exact same thing, and guess what, she really becomes his forever. You watch him grow old with someone who is not you, see his face beam at the sight of someone else other than you. That is simply how cruel it is going to be, you could just watch. And wish you were her.

Reality check; may is here already, and I am going to stick to what I have set for myself, set for the love, and let go at the end of the month if nothing changes. It will not be easy at all, because the past 2months haven't been easy at all.

Goodnight everyone (:

Me time = happy (:

2009-05-01T23:24:00.003+08:00

Hi today is a beautiful day!

I woke up at 8 plus initially, wth? But managed to go back to sleep and woke up at 12!! :D Mum bought roti prata for me yessah I have been craving for it for damn long!!! :D Me is happy hehehehe :D Then I did nothing for awhile and went back to sleep at 2!!! Woke up at 4 to go to Drive Thru to study :D Woohoo alone time is a very very nice feeling, really. (: Spent several hours at Macs by myself and talking to deyuan and yiyin on msn for a while, so nice hahaha :D Didn't do much work though, just spent time with myself keke :D

Mr Lazy man then got hungry and I bought him food before going home lol. Then Mum called to buy the same thing for her to eat, such gluttons, lol! Waited 20min for her KFC thigh, and they gave me 10% discount lol! :D Today is suchhhhhhhh a simple day but I feel very happy with myself hehe :D

I SAW A SHOOTING STAR YESTERDAY OMG!!!! COULDN'T BELIEVE MY EYES :D :D :D :D BUT I MADE A WISH HOPEFULLY IT COMES TRUE HEH :D

Met the clique yesterday, quite good turn out! All except AJ and AC people came, not counting Misato! Junhe and Lyn came too, and we all chatted about rubbish. :D Sorry guang that you actually waited 3 hours for me at parkway for my duty to end! And hahaha Cheryl made us wait so long at City hall!!! :D I love TSB nonetheless :D Called Kaki at 12 when it was his birthday! Lol people having SA1 now.... kekeke :D Went home with Lin second time in a row we have so much to chat about!! Junhe me and lin saw two effing gays it was so disgustinggggg THEY WERE HUGGING AND KISSING WTH WTH WTH WTH WTH I was really very traumatised. :O The three of us couldnt stop "WTF WTF WTF WTF" when we saw!!! Hahahahahaha whatever! Took the last train home again :O

Hanna has the CUTEST crush on earth, LMAO! :D

I don't know how I wanna tell you, but I don't enjoy you telling me all those things. I don't like to hear you getting excited over other girls. I don't mind being unimportant, don't mind being insignificant, don't mind being a matter of past, but it just hurts me to see the similarity in the tone when you talk about your ec and when you gushed over me in the past. It makes me wanna run away it makes me wanna disappear from your life forever. ): Maybe I should.

Bye!

OVER :D

2009-04-29T21:08:00.002+08:00

INVESTITURE IS OVER OMG :D

Hahahahaha me me me is wearing the golden nametag now ^^ No more laughing from secondary school friends!! Its so pretty btw, hehehehe :D BUT investiture rehearsal was mad, I got home at 0045 yesterday can you believe it!!!! :O So scary my body ached so much this morning, from all the chairs carrying and 2.4km run haha. (: But it is all worth it to receive all the congratulations! :D Loooooooong session of ROD just now, so much crying, I wonder how ours would be like next year?

Went to Kallang Leisure Park for post-investiture celebrations just now. We caught X-men and omg I fell asleep!! Just when I was happy I thought I slept for only five min, I was mortified to realise I slept for one hour!!! :O :O :O :O :O So waste money ): ):

Met Lin and Rong for dinner ahahaha talked about all the schools, people and rubbish, people who share my views, wow! Yao came to join us for awhile and we left haha (:

Feel happy that I am more familiar with more people in council now, everyone closer now! Forsee myself having much more fun in council yay :D

GREGORY IS SO BIMBOTIC BTW! HAHAHAHAHAH LYNETTE IS MY COUSIN RIGHT :D

BYE :D

TGIF, yesterday :D

2009-04-25T18:07:00.002+08:00

Hello hello I finally survived a week, hahahaha :D

This week has been extremely long and I have been worried, but it is finally over! This is the first weekend that I don't feel too stressed up, yes :D Anyway this week has been quite interesting as well!! :D

Monday: Lessons as usual nothing much I reached home rather early and I feel happy hohoho :D Mr Foo solved the math question within two seconds!!! We were so shocked hahahaha :D

Tuesday: PE we played Frisbee again :D Didn't run the 4 rounds but played for frisbee, our group was godlike despite being outnumbered!! :D Super long math lecture, such a torture oh man :O Had council Investiture rehearsal at the parade sq, then ended at about 6? I think around there, then I went home :D (did I? I think so :O) Oh yeah then I finished PI much faster than expected I was so happy with myself :D Really damn annoyed with this particular person who staged his own "missing" in order to get my attention, it was seriously childish and I saw through it rar. What a way to get my attention!

Wednesday: CT time was totally a sleeping time, the entire class was sleeping! During lectures Mr C came to supervise, so funny I think he felt like sleeping as well... Hahaha GP was damn long but Comasundaram didn't fall asleep hahaha :D After Math tutorial Grace Qi Hao and me went to NJ for taiwan briefing. Woohoo Daph is going too!!! :D How exciting is that ^^ Took cab (teacher sponsor ^^) back to school for investiture rehearsal! It ended at 8pm!! :O Had a talk with Miss Teo she is very nice :D Uh after that went to Yuki Yaki to find 5/1 clique!!! Joslyn is so sweet she bought me luo han guo but I don't dare to drink... It's still in the fridge! :O Buffet was moderate but quite expensive! ): I ate quite a lot so it is alright hehe. We camwhored a lot and really a lot but all the photos are not uploaded yet!! (pouts) XQ makes me laugh my ass off (literally) hahahahah she has so many stupid faces!!! :D Reached home at 11++++, then knocked out haha :D PS i spent close to 40 on food this day... WTH :O

Thursday: Extreme torture during chinese and econs tutorial, container classroom's aircon broke down!!!!!!! I was really feeling so frustrated I felt like crying out of frustration it was the most torturing 2hours 20min of this week.. :O Math lecture was especially nice because of the aircon, and we pasted so many funny things on people!!! Gregory is priceless we couldn't stop laughing at him, LOL. :D Chemistry tutorial we had Laura as relief teacher, she was very nice! :D Yay :D CT rehearsal again but it was only for a while and we practised bowing with our eyes closed! Quite cool we did it yay I like feedpub ^^

Friday!!! : TGIF TGIF the week was finally over and so were my worries!! :D The day was extremely longggggg (thankfully next friday is PH :D) but all the lessons were quite fun!! We had PW as free period and we went to computer lab to lepak ^^ I was playing with facebook while the rest was playing Viwawa together :D Verawn and Denise made so much noise in the lab lol! :D Chem tutorial was very fun Laura and us were exchanging questions and she took so long to figure out the (x-a)^2 question!! hahahaha :D Econs finally and we had three periods of it and we got back our paper, I failed! ): Epic fail but I was very happy with myself because I could have passed actually just that my 6 marks question went out of point and that caused me to fail, oh well! :D Met Favourite Person for dinner after that and we ate Sakura! It was worth it I think but they didn't have TSB I swear I was so disappointed..... I was looking forward to eating the TSB the whole day! ): ): ): ): Met Luanluan there, what a coincidence hahaha. Orh hor the two of us didn't go for Plus Qu'Une date :X We went to catch Knowing after that and it was rather nice just that nowadays all movies are on END OF THE WORLD! ): Blablabla, Favourite Person came to my house to stay I fell asleep after bathing while he used the lappy till two plus I think? I don't know haha :D

Saturday: Today I met Sis and Alan to decorate Bro's place! It is now quite pretty, at the courtesy of three of us, tyty :D We had MFM for lunch and I am really quite sick of it already, yuck! It is so nice that I got to sleep in for today... :D Okie I am going to bathe and go to M'sia with my parents already! See you guys around :D

CYA :D Photos next time mum is nagging already!

Anderson is <3

2009-04-19T09:49:00.004+08:00

I just did something really crazy, that is to try to tag everyone in the ex-andersonian-omg photo :O It was so difficult because all of us were so tiny!!!!!! But it was seriously godlike that all of us gathered to take a picture together it's such a family feeling I really love Anderson to bits!! Being back in Anderson is really like what zong said, "lovely" :) :) :)

Uh, so many things happened this week..
SYF - GOLD WITH HONOURS YAY :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Lunch with best&best mom + go to best's house to sleep = GODLIKE happy simple afternoon :D
Speech day - warm feeling, happy to see many familiar faces, damn nice to feel that you know everything, godlike that anyone could talk to anyone, feel like myself when I am there!!! Doing council cheer made me feel so awwww :D Anderson cheer rocks when we did it in the canteen. The only cheer that feels right in anderson is the Anderson cheer, srsly :D
Doreen birthday - :D :D :D stupid photos :D Kicking capsules, Doreen and Cherie preparing to get scolded by guard, Mass hug <3 <3 <3 , finding Guang's soft spot (LOL)
TSB - Slack together(lepak ^^) eating icecream together = family feeling, bitching together lol (:, going to serangoon with me just to return blazer thank you loves :D
CF meeting - met the whole clique, sat around for jokes lmao, saw yuhui after so long :O, still haven't get back my prom stuff, teaching CF and Jiaxin Hokkien, drank bubble tea :D, lovely day :D
Speech day rehearsal - thought I'd be alone but saw so many ex-andersonians there because it was ROD for most CCAs, saw Yuerong and asked him out for dinner, Favourite person came because he was around the area, had dinner with Favourite person and rong at sumo, stupid jokes (new ships no tv), happy day!
School - 09S54 is love keke :D Going to shanghai,hopefully :D Didn't get into exco but it's ok :D, PE was damn fun, Gregory not cool haha, KUEH IS MY FAVOURITE FOOD, slackkkk, paint banner :D I love hanna :D

Had lunch with Celeste, talked so much about Brother, talked about the what-could-have-been, glad that we've let him go, glad that he'd be happier.
Attempted to study alone at Drivethru, sun too scorching hot, had fever, stoned there with an empty table for half an hour, wanted to go swim, realised that I had fever upon reaching home, bathed, slept, went to bukit timah to eat with ah yi and family, xinxin so cute, found out so many things, went home, sick again, slept. Leonard loves to nag, thank you for chasing me to sleep hahaha :D

That pretty much sums up my entire week.. I am up so early today!! First time I am actually up on a sunday before 10... :O I want a TSB outing! Misato don't be sad you can do it ! After everything after one and half more years things would be fine you can do it!! Wendy heng don't be upset as well you must stay strong you must not give in to the environment you must survive you will survive I have faith in you everything will be alright don't be too worried don't give up hope the world is still beautiful!!

Sickkkkkkkkk.

2009-04-18T23:38:00.001+08:00

Hi I am sick................... ):

But I love the past week.

SICK bye!
float float float....... float away!
it's all predestined, no?

Reasons to be happy!

2009-04-13T20:54:00.003+08:00

#1 : I FINISHED ALL MY WORK LA OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG I FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#2 : SISTERS FTW :D I think Siang made Cher and my day more than we did to hers :D

BUT WALAO I AM NOT SHORTER THAN CHERYL LOR!
Nevermind, best I let you be taller for once! kekekeke :D

I really love my bitches hehehe :D

#3 : I just love myself, yay :D

#4 : I think I miss Lynette and Siangyee.. :O

#5 : I can meet Joslyn tomorrow because I've finished all my work!

#6 : I have too many reasons to smile :D

#7 : I like my baby cousin she's too cute for words :D

#8 : Of course I love my baby Tammy too :D

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Check this conversation out it's damn funny!!! None are true btw :D

siangyee! says: (9:01:39 PM)
THESE DAYS I NO APPETITE!!
siangyee! says: (9:01:43 PM)
I MUST BE PREGNANT
siangyee! says: (9:01:50 PM)
HAHHAHAHHA BUT I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AWWWWWW
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:04:53 PM)
YOU ARE PREGNANT
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:05:02 PM)
WALAO JACOB DONT TAKE PRECAUTIONS?!?!
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:05:15 PM)
LAST TIME ME AND JY DONT HAVE SEX DURING MY OVULATION PERIOD SIA
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:05:20 PM)
YOU NEED SOME LESSONS ON SEX
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:05:27 PM)
I TEACH YOU ON YOUR DAD'S CAR TMR :D
siangyee! says: (9:05:46 PM)
HAHAHHAHAHHAHAA
siangyee! says: (9:05:52 PM)
YA LOR HE SUCKS!!!
siangyee! says: (9:05:57 PM)
IRRESPONSIBLE ONE!!!
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:06:00 PM)
HAHAHAHA
siangyee! says: (9:06:02 PM)
HAHAHHAHAHAA OK LOR IF YOU DARE LOL
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:07:01 PM)
OK I DARE
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:07:02 PM)
I WILL SAY
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:07:08 PM)
"EH YOU AND JACOB GOT USE THAT ONE NOT"
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:07:17 PM)
"I HEAR THAT OKAMOTO BETTER THAN DUREX LEH"
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:07:27 PM)
"LAST WEEK YOU SAY YOUR XIAO HONG LATE RIGHT"
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:07:42 PM)
"OMG I HOPE YOUR DAD DIDN'T HEAR THAT" <- ATTEMPT TO SOUND SOFTER
siangyee! says: (9:10:08 PM)
HAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHA
siangyee! says: (9:10:10 PM)
LAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
siangyee! says: (9:10:20 PM)
I WILL USE MY TOWEL AND WRAP YOUR HEAD
siangyee! says: (9:10:21 PM)
HEHEHHE
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:10:32 PM)
FOR WHAT!
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:10:33 PM)
LOL!
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:10:40 PM)
THATS TOTALLY RUBBISH!
siangyee! says: (9:11:39 PM)
THEN YOU CANNOT TALK!!
siangyee! says: (9:11:40 PM)
HEHEEH
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:12:01 PM)
I AM GOING TO BLOG THIS
siangyee! says: (9:12:17 PM)
NOOOOOOOOO
siangyee! says: (9:12:22 PM)
I NEVER DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
siangyee! says: (9:12:27 PM)
I AM NOT PREGNANT LEH
siangyee! says: (9:12:29 PM)
I WAS JOKING
siangyee! says: (9:12:41 PM)
I NEVER DO ANYTHING LOR I AM INNOCENT YOU ARE THE PERVERT INFLUENCING MY MIBND
siangyee! says: (9:12:44 PM)
PERVERT!!!!!!!!!!!!
siangyee! says: (9:12:46 PM)
HAHAHHAHHA
Shannnnnnn :D Fourfour is (L) says: (9:13:18 PM)
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA

Absolutely retarded, I love my girls :D

REPLIES TO TAGS OMG AFTER SO LONG!
Daph: You are such a silly girl la lmao :D
CF: You were super spam lor made my phone lagggggggg :D
Guang: I love you but you are a sucker haha :D
Huiling: Hello but you closed your blog right?
Daph: Love ya too :D :D :D :D :D
Elay: Yes dear thank you so much I am fine! :D
Yokekwan : Love you back thank you dear :D
Celeste: You too!!! <3
Cher: Yay yay wed or thurs k! :D :D :D
Siang: yes I am and you are a bimbo :D
Dydy: I enjoyed myself so much too sweetie! Feel so relaxed to be with the three of you :D And I love you as much too dear, must take care k! :D
CF: WE ARE MEETING TMR YAY :D
Ranjini : Thank you so much, I will stay strong :D Cya soon!!! :D
Misato: Uh, nicer than your band food thats of course ^^
Celeste: Thank you! And you must study hard too k! He will watching over you as well you must work hard and make him proud too!!! :D Love ya ((:
CF: *adds oil*
Effa: hahaha yes we will meet on wed! (be sure to look out at woodlands k! :D)

YAY BYE! :D

Motivation (:

2009-04-12T23:37:00.000+08:00

Gogogo (:

):

2009-04-12T19:24:00.004+08:00

Yuan Liang Wo 原谅我 - Jam (Hsiao) Xiao Jing Teng
I want my brother back. ):

2009-04-09T22:30:00.002+08:00

The week is finally over and I am, really shagged.

Shagged is like the word everyone uses nowadays. But I really haven't felt so tired in a long long time! Like the tired-ness came from the heart, its really tiring :O

After all that has happened, I realised that the people who really care about me nowadays are not those that I really care about anymore.. The messages that fill my phone now are mostly unknown numbers, because I have been too lazy to save every contact. Those chinese names stopped to appear in my inbox but I do not feel surprised at all, oh well.

Sometimes in life you do things for others not because you want something back in return, but it just hurts a little when you realise you actually mean so little to someone who means a lot to you? I think I have been realising a lot of things after all these happen, some good and some really hurting. Hai, all making me stronger, I know I know. I'll just quit being naive and quit being so nice to some people ba, they wouldn't appreciate it or perhaps they think they don't even need it at all. Eff it (:

Thank you certain people for my good realisations, you guys really changed my view of certain things that I have been feeling stubborn about. Makes me see how silly I have been, or rather, how blind I have been.

That place that I always felt so much pride for, the place where I always found so remarkable, is just plain memories now. That's all. (: Oh well everything is like so one-sided. =/

I don't know, I just feel so defeated at times. I feel that I have achieved nothing much in life at all. I have just been, plain lucky. Family, good friends, good schools, all these are just luck. The family has never been anywhere near rich, but I always felt blessed. With a complete family and loving siblings, pampered all the time, I always felt so lucky. Actually I don't know what I wanna blog about. Perhaps about you? I have never thought I would find a person who loves me so much, but I was lucky again and I met you. You always claimed that I was the one who taught you a lot of things, brought you a lot of things in life, but the fact is, it is the other way round. I never knew how to be a good girlfriend but you have never ever lost your patience for me. For the past one year that we haven't met, I think of you every now and then. I think about our past, and I think about how you claim you can never move on, and I wonder how you were coping with things. I hear people telling me that they met you, how happy you look, but I never could really believe till I saw you on that day. When we spoke, there was this unspeakable calmness in me, and the way I tapped on your shoulder and said the first hi, there's this weird gentleness in me that I never knew I had. Perhaps it was because I was afraid that my presence would make you upset, but I really missed you and wanted to talk to you. After our conversation then I really believe what others have been telling me. Yes, you are fine and you are really fine. You've mature so much more, and I felt so familiar around you, but at the same time, I saw a man in you. Also heard that you've taken a liking for someone new, I feel so happy. Happy from the bottom of my heart, that you are really able to move on. After all, I am also not some really wonderful girlfriend, it shouldn't have been hard from the start. Just hope that you will really be happy and I am happy that you are happy. I always tell people that you are still very important to me in my heart, and I still love you a lot, just that that love has transformed in a different, unspoken kind. (:

I actually have so much to blog today. When I spoke to ____ today about his girl, his face beamed at every thought of her. It reminded me of how "you" would talk to others about me last time, and how you wouldn't even mention me anymore. When he asked me about our past, I would tell them so happily as if they are still taking place, but after awhile when I needed to mention you, it took me a lot to put the yee axe term in front of boyfriend. There is a lot of things that I miss, especially those saturdays. The short 3-4 hours that we would spend, and those were usually the best times of the weeks. Happy dinners, sometimes followed by a movie or just a nice walk, I always felt so blissful. Still feel quite sad that we can't make it, but then again I think I am fine with the way things are now. No obligations for you and I need not question myself if you still love me, because now I can openly tell myself that you no longer feel for me instead of trying to deceive myself. At least I still get to see you quite often, hug you whenever I want to, just that I have to put up with the new terms that you have given me, and eventually watch you fall in love with anyone and see your face beam when you mention her. I am not asking for anything anyway, because given another chance I still may not be able to love you the way you want it and instead love you in a way that give you stress. I am just contented to see you happy now. (:

Weirdly two of you just can never feel proud of me. You two just can never support me fully in the things that I want to do, like the way I would support you, but I know I have not really supported another you much, so I guess it was just mutual. It just pricks me thinking of the time that you didn't allow me to take up either the choir or council presidency, and now it pricks me that you think that whatever I am joining now is just crap, and yours, something worth being proud of. I wanted to say no matter what outcome the competition would be, I would still be proud of you because I've watched how hard you train. But I know I can never hear the same coming from you. Because all that I do will always be "fuck care all those things" oh well.

Hai korkor I really miss you today. Cried secretly a few times when I am alone, and I feel quite bitter. The previous time when I wrote you the last letter, I felt that we've been through so little together. But after thinking today, I realised we have been really close. When the guitar ensemble played FFX song today, I felt so so bitter. I recalled the times that I was sit at the desk, busy with the computer, and you'd be playing your PSII on your bed. You were the one who taught me how to play RPG games, you were the one who taught me a lot of things that I know now. The computer terms and all. I thought of those times that you were dead bored and made me play Street Fighters with you because I was an easy opponent. I thought of the times that you brought me to bowling because I was bored at home. I thought of the times you brought me out for rides on the bicycle. I thought of the times I rode on your motorbike home. You were the one who made me like Double Cheese Burger, you were the one who always said I was irritating but loved me so much nonetheless. Everyone at Adm Bar told me you were so proud of me, albeit I never knew.. I still can't believe that you are never coming back again, can't believe that the room opposite me is gonna be vacant for really long and in fact maybe forever, can't believe that I won't hear your loud footsteps in the middle of the nights anymore, can't believe that I won't hear your singing anymore. I really don't want you to be gone.. I really want to tell you how much I love you, but I can't even recall when did I last hug you, or have I never hugged you before.. We have only spent 17years together, and that is really not enough... I really miss you my dear brother... ): I wanted us to grow old together and then watch our kids grow together, tell them stupid tales and stunts that you have. I wanted my kids to be fortunate enough to have such a loving jiujiu like Tammy too.. ): ): ):

I don't wanna blog anymore.. bye. I am just resting, I will not quit.

STRESS.

2009-04-06T23:03:00.004+08:00

School is scary, work is scary, studying is scary, my life is scary now. I am screwed. Can't keep up, can't catch up, I am so dead :O

Haiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii I should just screw off I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know!

STUPID FEELING ROAR :/

PS I LOVE FOURFOUR AND TSB :D

*Edit:

Okay I am feeling better I am back to post. I really feel so stressed about school do you all know ): I have only been away for a week and it feels like I have missed school for at least a month. The work that stacked up, they are almost impossible to clear. Its not because I don't wanna clear them but I don't know how to. I really wish that there is someone who can help me. ): I need more time really really ):

Thank you S54 I am very touched that many of you care so much about me, coming up with the homework list, helping me to prioritise whatever that is more important, helping me keep all the worksheets etc. I had fun in school today apart from the stress. (: Sundar is priceless his jokes are hahahahahaa :D

Sundar: Er It is quite hard.
Me: *repeats* It is quite hard??
Veron me sundar : LOLLLLLLL

If you get it hahaha (:

Miss Wong: ALDO!
People in front : What aldo do??
Aldo: I was picking my nose!
Class: LMAO!

He is the first ever person who is proud of digging his own nose lol!

Gregory is my enemy now :O He is SB he calls me SG I hate him I am no longer his fan!!! Albeit he is trying to bribe me with his jacket which I took home in the end by accident hehe. It can be my dress!! So long :O Reminder to self: bring your own jacket tmr!! Gregory-not-so-cool's jacket smells very nice hahahaha. (Smells even better now because have my smell) I am sure you will never wash it ever again la got your one and only fan's smell, lol!

Fourfour day was (@&@^!*@%&!@$^!$@^# fun!!!! Especially in the sea, and playing monkey :D :D All our old stunts and silly jokes came back, I really miss the class so much! They are the ones who really complete my life :D

Okay I have more to post but I am too tired so ciaoxzxzzxz :D Shall update soon bye! Can't wait for friday to take a breather :O

Many photos to upload but yay I like this one :

Because it's taken with my favourite person :D

Today.....

2009-04-03T20:27:00.002+08:00

Today has been such a day..

Shifted Brother's "home" and well, upgraded for him. Feel much more at ease now that we'd done something more for him. Hope he'd be happier wherever he is, and be more satisfied with his current home? Forsee myself visiting him rather often to talk to him, lest he feel bored that no one is there to chat with him.. (:

Kinship is such an important thing, and maybe something that we've been neglecting for so many years.. But hopefully it isn't too late now, albeit we have already lost an important part of us. Lesson learnt but probably price paid is too high?? ):

Going to brother's favourite bar tonight, since it's his seventh night. Sometimes I feel like a failure, his friends are so much closer to him than we are.. Oh well, everything is over already..

Anyway I felt him that night and I was scared, to be honest. Guess it's really due to the fact that we are in different worlds now? Dear brother I hope you will not blame me and I still love you so much.. (:

Feel a lil' sour with the terms used, I really cannot decide. But I don't wanna lose it, hai. ):

Cyaaaaaa

Still ain't coming up with titles..

2009-04-01T22:56:00.002+08:00

Hi everyone. It's been a long while since I blogged, or at least it feels like a long while to me.

Many things happened, the days have been draggy, have been hectic. But they have, more or less, come to a closure.

Feel really relieved now, just that I think. (:

Many realisations as well, and I feel myself growing so much stronger.

I believe that many things and obstacles that I face in the future will not bring me down as easily as compared to the past Meishan now. And I have faith that the future is promising (:

Cherish, cherish, cherish. You'd never know when it's happening to you.

Not only that, you have to appreciate, appreciate, appreciate too. You may not notice how much you mean to some people at times, but that doesn't mean that you haven't been important to them at all.

One person especially, has become even more important and significant in my life. He may, and he may not know. But now I know, and I really realise, how much he means to me.

Certain things may be too late, and right now I just want to catch up with the things that I have been missing for my past 17 years due to plain following and blindness.

Thank you to so many of you, you guys know who you guys are. The support that you guys have lent me, the faith that you guys have built in me, I will be eternally grateful for that and I will not forget the kindness. It may be a simple message, or just your presence, it all meant a lot to me though I may not have shown it. Truly appreciative of everyone around me. I would say that Meishan is really blessed. (:

Dearest brother, I want you to see that we are all doing well. Carry on with your journey bravely and don't look back. We will move on but you will not be forgotten. You will be missed always, and be kept somewhere really close in our hearts. We will always be so proud of you. Thank you for doing us so proud, you really did. (: Please rest in peace, wherever you are.. I will always love you..

I hate coming up with titles lol!

2009-03-28T12:15:00.003+08:00

Hello hello, today is a nice wonderful day I just woke up!!! :D Most godlike sleep since a long long time, and I feel so happy when I woke up! :D

Yesterday was Plus Qu' Une date, waited really really long for everyone to come! (Oh I realise this week we didn't take group photo :O) Then Doreen Sujie and Cherie appeared with many many cupcakes! My birthday celebration haha (: And Randy's! :D Then we went to S11 to eat, Lynette is such a pig hahaha :D She ate two rounds and two muffins! :D Got home at close to twelve, chatted awhile online and went to bed :D

School yesterday was fun as well, I realised I like Fridays albeit it is our longest day, because it's all tutorials and no lectures! Feel that I learn much more during tutorials.. Ahah GP was really fun yesterday the entire class couldn't stop laughing! Gregory is so damn adorable please "you need proof?" made us laugh like crazy! And JR's endless mocking about Veron being NSI lmao :D

Supposed to do Igloo duty after school but turns out JiaYin was replacing Kelly already, no one told Hanna! Walked to the bus stop with Hanna and met Brian, CTC senior, then we took 36 together. Chatted quite a lot then I alighted at City Hall :D

JTS tomorrow = Mortal say "Ni Qing Wo!" Haha (:

Drivethruuuuuuuuuu~ (:

Thank you!

2009-03-27T00:08:00.004+08:00

The best part of the day only came in the night, when many were reminded that they forgot my day! But nevertheless it made my night, but srsly, CHENG GUANG FU YOU SUCK!!!!! (Okay that was a lie actually I love Guang so much :D) Some eventually didn't text me, it's okie yesterday has passed already it doesn't matter to me anymore!

Thanks Doreen, anyway (:
Goodnight world! :D
Damn I wish it was true ): Then ONE of my birthday wish out of 5 would come true! Sigh ):

I'm seventeen!

2009-03-26T20:41:00.004+08:00

Hello everyone, happy birthday to me! I am seventeen today, but today sucked much much much. *pouts

Oh well yesterday at 20min to midnight, Mr D smsed me to ask about physics textbook, but it was a lie! He wanted to make sure that I was not asleep yet hehehe :D Sadly when he thought he smsed me at 12sharp, he was actually 2min early hahaha :D Anyway his text is very funny you can guess who he is ^^

Hairless indian as a present to u 4 ur 17th birthday! :D HAPPY?? LOL!

Need you guess more hahaha of course Mr D is Deva keke :D Anyway he is very cute he said he was holding a shaver in his hand while texting me :D :D Priceless friend :D Yes you know I love you too!!! :D :D

And then there is this ~~mad~~ woman who spammed my phone and made it lag like hell!!!! This girl is none other than my dear CAT FRIEND!!!!!! :D I think she sent at least ten identical msges so she can be the first one?!?! LOL she cheater bug but she was eventually the first lorrrrrrrr but that's because you cheated hahaha :D I love you a lot darling girl hehehehe ;D

Technically this person is the first to sms me since he didn't cheat! Yes yes Mr BFF ! :D I thought you'd msg me at some cock timing again, but you didn't! Thanks for staying up just for that message, it was as though you fell right asleep after sending!! :D Such a pig, anyway I hope you aren't too tired today! Saw you sleeping like a log on the train haha (:

Miss Siangyeeeeeee you were late :O But okie la you are the third!!! :D And yes darling you are the only nice part of today thanks for everything! Not just today, but all the times ever since you became my aunt agony. I feel very happy that Jacob says you are happy to talk to me as well, and really, it seems like you are forever the best person to talk to when I am unhappy and you have so far, never failed to be there. And the flower card is so cool!!! Everyone said the card /flower is so pretty and I appreciate it a lot its the only thing I received today besides Hanna's rocher!

Jacob was next, then Wendy dear, then Randy!!! (wait i have a story to tell about Randy later), then Deva's real msg (you could have been first awww) Misato, Vanessa Koh, Melvin, Zoe, JUNLIN (HE IS THE SWEETEST), Miss Goh, Fiona lee!!! (i was so surprised) then Someday (Van Lam :D), Cher Best, Nadia, Sissy, Yiyin, Tim, Stella, Deyuan (your msg damn act punk :D) GREGORY, Joshua, Jinyin, Weiguang, Sundar, Nigel, Miss Leow, Xinlin, Vicky, Vas, Jiayin, Kelicia, MORTAL!!!!!!!, Ting, Effa, Jialin... Yep these are the people who texted and I am really upset I am still waiting for some important ones to come in....

All day long I was waiting for this particular someone to text me but it seems like he has already forgotten.... For four years you've always not gone beyond being the 5th person, but why is it that there is less than 3 hours left of my birthday and there's no news of you??? ): ): ):

And there is this group of girls whom I know are too busy to realise that it's my birthday today, none of them texted except Cherie who PMed me on Msn...

Hai I really feel quite incomplete w/o those texts la today is really the worst birthday that I have ever ever had, thankfully I had the chalet else being Seventeen would have really really sucked. Probably in the years to come, birthdays will be like today's but I will feel that it's okay.. Being Seventeen already suck although it's the first day, hai this is really not a good start ):

I really miss those times in Anderson that everyone knew each other, and when I came to school there'd be presents waiting for me at the table and I miss the Hamburger cake, I miss the boys who went into girls' shops to buy me dresses, and I miss the boy who said to me "yay you can sex already ah" when I turned 16, but he too, has gone missing and I haven't heard from him ):

The entire day I was really scared of being forgotten, because these messages are the only things that told me it is my birthday today, and it really suck that some of the people whom I really miss/love/cherish did not text at all. I can't stop those annoying tears ): I know they don't really mean much to all of you, but it means so much to me ):

Hai I hate being seventeen I hate being seventeen. I miss TSB terribly but only Siang is here today )':

Ah Meishan, quit being Whiny.

On the other hand, I am so touched that 5/1, like last year, remember my birthday and there were many well wishes from them. Each and every of it really warms my heart.... (: You guys made the last year of being in council the most most meaningful among all the years, thank you so much. (:

And there's still a lot of people on Msn, Facebook, wishing me happy birthday! I'd like to say, really thank you so much, I really appreciate every single one :D Adrian you'd be my son's nanny huh! Which reminds me there is another boy who has forgotten about me as well.... Son's godpapa? ):

Three hours, be hopeful shan.
And well Siangyee Veron, none, yes none, none of the wishes I made at FOW came true, and neither did my wishes made with my 2 birthday cakes came true. Wishes are just there to give you hope, they are just lies ):

Life's simple pleasures!

2009-03-24T22:32:00.006+08:00

Today is a very godlike day.

#1 : We ended school at 915
#2 : We had Gelare!!!!
#3 : We made THREE wishes at FOW :D
#4 : I reached home before 4pm
#5 : I had an afternoon nap.
#6 : I had dinner with dad&mom.
#7 : I chatted with Best for an hour.

Life can be this simple I guess, when you expect less of it.

Today I am thinking of you a lot.

Thinking of we first became close.
Thinking of how we played 7 Hand Poker on MSN.
Thinking of all your weak spots.
Thinking of the walks we took.
Thinking of Valentine's day.
Thinking of studying with you.
Thinking of just hugging you and doing nothing else.
Thinking of how you look when you sleep.
Thinking of how adorable you can get at times.

After thinking, I am so glad.
So glad you existed in my life, and still existing.
So glad that some point in time in your life, I meant the world.
It was you who coloured my life my favourite colours.
It was you who made my heart skip a beat.
It was you that I am so crazy over.
No, I haven't stopped my craze, I am not over you. But I am happy.
And I really miss how you wrinkle your nose - your silent way of saying "I love you".
Thank you for everything, thank you for painting my last year in Anderson the happiest year of my life.
Everything everything that we had, I'll keep them close to my heart. (:
You may not be around me as often anymore, but somehow your smell just lingers. I still smell you suddenly like the way I would last time. (:
You're really such a part of me.
The feeling is hard to ignore; I don't really wanna ignore it.
I just love you. (:

You'll always be my BF(F) <3 (:
Love ya!

Happy today (:

2009-03-23T23:00:00.002+08:00

Today is the first day of school, I am really tired! :O

Had enormous fun with Yuan and Cher just now, ('cept that I couldn't agree much to their dress sense hahahaha)! Spent at least an hour choosing the surprises for Jiemeis, hen kai xin :D The surprise is the best, I hope all of jiemeis will like it :D Jiemeis I love you :D:D:D

Cher best hope your leg recovers soon! :D :D

Shall not online till friday when I have finished my econs essay, till then, cya! Muahahahaha by then I'd be 17, yessah :D
Shall be a good girl and come home right after school for the next three days (including mua birthday hahaha)

Cyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :D

And no, I have decided not to ask the third time. No means no, right? Don't think there's a need to ask anyway :D

I am tired, omg goodnight!

Rain rain!

2009-03-21T16:01:00.006+08:00

Hahahaha I am currently stuck in the rain now, so I've decided to blog :D Have finally gotten all the photos from chalet, hehehee :D

This week has been excessively busy and fun filled, but right now I am feeling very happy that I have time for myself yay (: Going to Randy's party in a while, like six plus, meanwhile I shall just blog (:

Will now blog the chalet in details, if I still remember them (:

First day: I woke up early in the morning (still feeling sick) and started to clean up my room for real and make space for my new family member hehehe (: Then I quickly packed for chalet and Lil' girl was very excited to see my new baby ^^ It is so pretty how can anyone resist it right! (: Lil girl kept pestering us to play "Play doh" with her, which we all >: >: >: but eventually we took it out and didn't play then we all took turns to shower and left home!

When we reached the chalet, sissy and I went to check in! Stupid woman at the counter obviously didn't know much about checking in and she kept harping on I am not 18, but the point is, nebo card is meant for people under 18! Zzzzz, allowed her to waste much of our time and we finally got our chalet (: Got inside, we were kind of relieved as the chalet was at least clean, but very disappointing that we had to even rent tables and chairs and bbq pit, which cost me $60+ @#^@%&^#%^@%! Then it started to rain, which disappointed Lil' girl so much because she wanted to go to the swimming pool ): After much pestering, TSB finally came and kept her entertained ^^

Yuerong, Cheryl, Siangyee, Chiachiu, Ernest, Zonghan and Junyao came first then they all played with Lil' girl! It's quite funny Junyao was backfacing Tammy and we taught her how to disturb him once, after then she was obsessed with disturbing him but he had no reaction at all, lol. But that didn't seem to daunt her and he finally turned to play with her then she was like so excited :D Lil girl suddenly was so excited about phototaking and she took photos with all of them! Guess what, all the photos were really nice and really would make you go "awwwww" (: See see!

Aren't you melted!!!!!! She's so adorable please, everyone fell in love with her (except Misato I guess hahahaha) Anyway Lynette Misato Dydy and Junlin came afterwards but Tammy refused to make friends with Wendy hahaha (: Makan session and it was quite sweet how all of us were surrounding the table and peeling prawns and how Misato was shouting at Junyao for splashing all the prawns juice on her lmao (: Ernest baked! We finished the brownies rather soon I think, haha what do you expect? It's Ernest's baking! Sissy asked Ernie for recipes as well, haha (: Then Jialin Patricia also came, it was really nice to see so many Andersonians! :D Daphne came the latest, like at 8plus hahaha (: We had fun somemore and soon everyone left (they all have school the next day, what a shame ): ) leaving Me, Siang, Lynette, Misato, Jialin, Patricia, Daphne and Cheryl. At least we took a few group photos before they left (:

I forgot what happened but we started to play Taupok!!!!!! We finally understood why guys love taupok so much, it was seriously such fun!!! Missing them now hahaha we laughed so much!! Pillow fight and Lynette and I kept trying to pull each other's shorts off, so funny! :D At eleven plus Cheryl and Daphne left ): ): ):

Then suddenly Wei An and Randy called to say they have reached! Lol, it was like twelve already! They came then we started talking about rubbish, and talked a lot about ghosts, but most fell asleep except me, Misato, Wei An and Randy. Patricia was just absorbed in reading her book hhahahaa (: Everyone is such a pig la, including me! I fell asleep at 2 I think, heh :X

Day two: Rise and shine! Siangyee left early in the morning, sorry I didn't walk to you to the bus stop! (and we didn't take photo aww ): ) She had camp and off she went! The rest of us woke up at 10, and by the time I woke up, Xiaoling and Adam were here haha (: We all washed up and took cab to the airport to send Andre off ): We were the first to reach and we saw Andre the minute we stepped into the airport haha how fated! Took photos with him, then we went to Popeye's and Andre's dad bought us so much food!!! :O We were quite paiseh but oh well (: Clint presented him our present, Man Utd Jersey with his name on it!!! It is so nice hehehe (: Soon it was time for him to leave and we all hugged him before he left, sigh! After he checked in he kept turning back to wave to us, and we just all stood there silly-ly, waiting for him to come back again and again. I know the guys were all very sad and wish that he would turn back and say that his departure was just a joke :O Oh well the rest of us discussed about going overseas, and we all realised that most of us (not including myself) are intending to further their studies overseas. That kind of suck, I know I will always be the one sending people off. I really can't imagine myself leaving Singapore for 4years you know....... Oh well that's life.. The rest of us just went to T3 and slacked there for a long time, and I ate icecream rainbow! (bestie do you remember haha) Slacked there damn long and camwhored (ranjini and lynette and adrian hahaha) before Me, Lynette, Adam and Xiaoling headed back to the chalet! Lyn and me went Ehub! to find Tammy and Sis instead because they were at explorerkids, then we had lunch at Pastamania :D Tammy asked me where my "friends" were when she didn't see TSB hahaha (: Alan came along soon after, and we lied about Lynette being 12, that is so funny because she really looks 12 and he believed!

After that Lynette and me went to the supermarket to replenish the tidbits that we all finished the previous night and headed back to chalet!! :D At chalet Hueiting and Krys came too, then soon after Deyuan and Jasmine came, followed by Greg and Denise, Cherie and Zhiwei, ya da ya da! Zhiwei armwrestled with Idol and Idol won woohoo ^^ Me heartxzx my idol :D It was quite cool that Greg and Denise could make friends with Andersonians, hehe :D More and more people came, 5/1 gave me a LA JI TONG! (RUBBISH BIN) Hahahaha they are really so adorable la! It was very difficult to entertain everyone :O Mr Poh came as well, MIss Leow was sick so she couldn't come aww ): Eventually all andersonians except the boys were playing together! They played so long and had so much fun hahaha (: Cake cutting after that and wow there was really a lot of people! Really really alot, Andersonians itself there were like 50 already, godlike haha! Mass andersonians shot it was so sweet!!

Uh, armwrestling session again, this time round it was Joseph against Greg and Vicky vs Greg! I would say Greg beat them all but Vicky is really really strong :O Hahaha it was hilarious that the entire anderson population was cheering for Joseph/Vicky :D I love Andersonians and that 3 victorians hehehe :D

It was quite ok after that I went round taking photographs with many people (: Then many people left!! Only some others and Plus Qu' Une clique stayed and we had tons of fun hahaha (: Be right back I will blog about the rest later (: Cya!

(:

2009-03-17T22:57:00.002+08:00

Oh man I am receiving files from Lynette now and its slow and the file is super big! :O Guess I can only post all the photos when I am back from camp :O

PS I really feel very happy thank all of you so much!

TSB you guys are really the "cant-live-without"!!! Although all of you( yes all :) ) came to my chalet on different days, I really feel so happy that you all came (: I am so sorry that I cried at my chalet and gave so many people a shock, please don't worry I was very happy but was just feeling a lil' whiny that my three other most important friends apart from Yuerong can't be around when you guys were celebrating my birthday. Siangyee Cheryl yuerong and bestie do you all know how important all of you are!!! Thanks yuerong for the shoulder to cry on and the 50+ hugs that I received! It is when you are most down that you see how much the people around you care (: Eventually I was crying cos everyone was too sweet to me hahahahaha :D

Adrian lil' boy your hug gave me the biggest shock. You sounded so mature all of a sudden and felt like such a big brother to me (: And the "emo" card game made me feel damn relieved after saying why I cry hahahaha :D I love being silly la and thanks for loving me for being silly hehehehe :D

Seriously thanks all of you, from Plus Qu 'Une date clique, 5/1 (you guys are really like seniors to me! all of your hugs and patting my head like I'm a lil' puppy made me feel so so so loved!!!), Yuerong's reluctance to leave and kept saying that I could give you a call if anything, Javier's sweet to cheer a lil' girl up, Deyuan's piggy back race that made me legs ache but felt so happy, Jialin's hug and super touching things that you said, everyone's love, and MY DEAR LIL' COUSIN for keep staying close enough to me to reach out to!! (: And also the naughty girls who dived into the swimming pool with me which eventually we got a rather long lecture, Wei an's sudden "meishan come here" and the things that you said, Vicky and Vas's hugs and telling me everything is fine, yiyin fionna's don't know what to say but stay close enough to provide comfort, ZHI WEI's persistence to find out what happened, Deva's hug as well, Clint's smile, everyone's text smses, Misato being around, going to Red house, Star gazing, eating mac, snatching beds, cleaning up, kicking deyuan's face, eating breakfast at KFC, taking the bus together, setting stargazing date, really, everything single thing counts. I can really fully understand why I love all of you so much you know. Anderson is really such a wonderful because I got to know each and every single of you, all of you who play a part in completing my life.

Sorry to have worried all of you hahahahaha but after that when I started to giggle and laugh again I know you guys were even happier! :D Xie xie ni men de ai, wo zhen de hen kai xin! (Thanks for your love I am really happy) I will blog soon after I get all the photos!! Blog in details I promise! I dont wanna lose all the memories (:

Thanks Xiaoling and Deyuan for sending me home yay :D